the promises i made

i promised her all of me. but that included some pretty hard to deal with parts. i promised her forever, even after she doesn’t want me anymore.

i promised her all of the happiness i could give, and i feel like i really tried. i promised her my heart, and that she will always have.

the only reason i am still here is because i promised her that i wouldn’t leave her in financial ruin because of our home that we bought together. as soon as i can sell it off and remove her name from the responsibility of the mortgage, i will have nothing left to live for.

i made some promises that i didn’t keep, and now she hates me for that. but, she made me promises too. “in sickness and in health”… it was just too hard for her to keep her promise, when my sickness caused her so much pain.

sometimes promises are just lies in disguise.

i fear that i will not be able to keep that final promise. i don’t want to leave her in that situation, but i don’t know how to do this any more… i don’t know how to be without her.