I just dont understand anything anymore. I dont get how people do the things they do and how completely self absorbed they can be. Hello im right here so why cant you see that.Arent I something too? Nowadays I dont even think so anymore. Looking at myself and just despising what i see, im so tired of feeling that way.Each time i hold a knife or a bottle of pills, i cant help but think of why not and how release is right there at my fingertips.I stop each time because wouldnt i be missed by someone?But i dont really think so cuz they dont even bother to know the real me. Cant they see that the smile is a lie and this whole persona isnt even me, dont they care? Its a lie, it all a lie!!! Then when i try to express this feeling, its just brushed off like im joking!!! what the fuck!!!! or trying to force some piece of crap therapy in my face so they can just cram pills down my throat.HA!! dont they get it just doesnt work for me no matter how i wish it would.It would be so much easier if it did but it doesnt and they fucking dont get it!!This depression is eating me up inside and i lay in bed at night wondering always wondering, why?it doesnt help that Im constantly being put down by my own sister. always calling me ugly and fat and saying Im a good for nothing.it hurts even more cuz its not like i dont already feel that way,like thanks for telling me what i already know.i just hate this and myself and i just want to scream at everyone.the thought to just get out now  keeps nagging at me and im slowly giving in.One can only stand so much pain before its just too much and i feel like it is getting to be too much.Hell thats why im here, i couldnt stand holding it in anymore and i had to just let it out before i imploded, i had to speak out even if it is only into this faceless black hole called the internet.so thanks for listening if you even got this far, god knows i probably dont even deserve even that. im just slowly fading and i just didnt know where else to turn to…..
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4 comments
I disagree with “faceless black hole” the internet may be ostensibly indifferent, but each account on this site was made by a real person, a person who cares about the sadness you face. Yeah, it’s hard finding people who will take the time to look into you and find out what kind of person you really are, but they do exist. Perhaps like the rest of us here you’re just a bit deeper then the average person, and need more effort to understand. Don’t give up though, find the people who will take the time to get to know you.
If you need to scream go ahead and scream, rant your heart out lol, but let this stress make you a stronger person. You’re not ugly. <3
hey, keep your head up. i’ve been there before, i’ve held that bottle of pills in my hand, many times. but you just gotta be strong. it’s not easy at all dealing with depression, i know. and it’s especially hard to stay strong and feel like you’re worth something with the way today’s society is. people are mean. but i can promise you that there’s a lot of people that care about you. i know we don’t know each other but i care about you! and if you stay strong, things will get better! i know what it’s like to deal with this kind of stuff everyday. but you’re an amazing person to be strong enough to get through this, and you’re not ugly. keep your head up, and things will get better i promise. just give it time. <3
Beautiful in the inside. It’s what counts, is it really worth it? To hurt the people around you and make them hate themselves for the rest of their lives? No it’s not. I can’t see the potential in you by reading your dead thoughts, don’t give up yet.
Deep thoughts*