wt fuck, i don’t know why this happened

fuck. man, it’s like, it just happen. like, literaallly, seemed like a flash occurance. i don’t know how the fuck it was brought to htis.

today, i just came back from cap hours (meaning after school clubs), and today i felt so fricking tired. but when i went home, i was happy, that our new puppy had greeted me to the door, how my mom wasn’t in a bitchy mood, how my dogs weren’t actual bitches at the time and how everyone in the house said hi to me with all of their gleeful attention. except her.

after hanging with my new dog, rainee, on ground floor, i walked upstairs to bring rainee up, and do some of my shit, and homwork, or whatever you call home time. and you know what, today i felt extremely in a good mood, so i do one thing i usually never do.

i steped into my younger sister’s door and knock it for a few times.

she hatees it when i greet her when i come home. i know. but i just want her to feel realized, or at least have me feel realized by her.

but, as usaually, didn’t fucking open the door.

so i went walking back to my room and did some of my shit. then i realized i wasn’t abled to look after rainee so much. rainee was extremely small, she can easily fall down the stairs without human supervision. i had to concentrate on my homework. so i went to the only person i can let rainee be supervised by.

i went to my sister’s door, knocked, and asked if she can look after her. she was in the bathroom, so i waited a bit, and she came out, passionly carrying the puuppy in her arms, unaware of the guy giving it to her, course no one gives a shit about that guy.

then i try to talk to her. make a conversation. cause  i was in a good mood. of course my sister didn’t say shit to me. she went in to her room filled with lonely pleasure.

but today, i wanted today to be different. i stopped the door from closing, and i passionetly did not let her close the door without answering my question.

“Why didn’t you wait for me at school today?” is what i asked. that was all i wanted to ask.

she struggled to close the door, i tried enougn so then she answered, but she didn’t. somehow she slip my hand off for me to let go of the handle.

the door slammed.

fuck. another failure

i went bcak to my room, sat on my bed and started to play a bit of guitar. then suddenly, seconds later she open out my door to retrieve the newpapers for rainee’s potty training.

finally, i told myself. another chance. another chancec to make my sister happy. to be cheerful. it only made it worst though.

when she walked over to her room with the newspapers, she had dropped a piece. i picked it up, and tried to give it to her. she refused. i kept on urging he r to have it,  but the stubborn girl wouldn’t take it. it was cause she didn’t want anything to do with me. fuck. not today. i wanted to give this newspapper to her and have her accept. i will not be ignored no more.

then the scratching started to happen. she drilled her nails into my wrist. i told her it didn’t hurt one bit. she was mad. she then started to yell. she started screaming at me to leave. but i was trying to be stubborn too. she was stubborn all the time though, but today i wanted her to lose.

then, right at that moment she said i was annoyying, she slapped my face right across. it hurted like hell. i might of spilled a few tears, because of the sight of how my sister had treated me. for so long, she has been a *****, like i was just her dog.

she just kept screaming louder and louder. she was just being a real dick, not considering how i felt. i told her i could harm her 10 times more than what she can do, and she knew it herself. i have hit her few times. but now, she was just being a

i slapped her. right at that moment. but this wasn’t a slap slap, it was a fucking ***** slap. it must of hurt like hell. even if it didn’t my sister woiuld have the same reaction.

when she was slapped, she held her face, tryhing to hide it, not showing anything, not trying to show any pain, and just sat on the edge of her bed. i pointed at her, and tolf her to never treat me like that. then i walked away.

afterwards, thinking about what just happened, i sat in my bed on my computer, and then she charged in, face red and swollen, she started to fucking lecture me, crying along the way. she tried to show as if she was given more pain than i was from. i didn’t try fighting back this time. i couldn’t take this anymore. i just wanted to ignore her, but i couldn’t. i say some stuff back. she will never understand. i probably can’t understand her that much, even though i try, but she never have i ever thought she took a minute of her time to think about me. though, i know this may sound selfious of me.

there were events after this… but this post is taking a bit oo long, i think i shud stop here

but my fucking point is now that, why the hell is it that god cannot give us one day where we don’t have to worry about anything evil happening, like why cant one day we have a completely smooth, calm day, while instead in the end your sister treats you like crap.

i do hit her, or lecture her, or somehow treat her to ruin her pride, but all of those times i’ve never meant it or never ever thought about others like so.

or maybe i am being a *****. maybe i shudn’t have people tell me what to do because i’m rly the one to blame.

well, anyway…

i’m trully so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so  so sorry for my cursing.

i rly dont know what to think of this

i dont mind if it offends me, just hellp me understand what you think about the situation