I’m a 16 year old boy who is thinking about Suicide all the time, doesn’t matter where i am or what i’m doing. I don’t have a standard story, mabye i can cry about having disvorced parents or being bullied in primary school but that aren’t really reasons i contemplate about suicide. I’ve never had therapy, i think none knows how i am… I’ve tried a “online” therapy “test” and as diagnosis came out i am severely depressed. I’ve propably been depressed since i was 14 but none saw it, neither did i.
When i read post on this site i always see the sentence: Life gets better, or a variation. People say i have to tell it to someone who cares about me. Or find someone who will care. The problem is that i don’t want someone who cares. I don’t want to tell my “feelings”. I can’t even make a proper story. all i could say is im very lonely, i want to be lonely and i want to die.
I’ve never actually tried suicide before since i’m not an attention seeker. If i do it, i can’t fail. I’m actually very shy, i don’t really like to talk alot and being quiet all day long is normal to me. I do admit i’ve cut myself. It felt great tho i do not have the courage to keep cutting. For you it’s “good” to not cut. For me it’s a feeling i can’t really describe. Mabye there is a bit of failing being a failure?
My life is about to end. I don’t care if i’ll hurt someone. I care if i don’t have to feel anymore……
3 comments
You’re story is your story who cares if someone’s been through worse. You need help, deep down you want it. So go get it. See a doctor they’ll understand and help you get through this. Your story may seem unimportant or pathetic but it’s not. if things don’t get better after you’ve tried to change it you know what to do.
You say you don’t want to talk about your feelings, but you started. You started my writing and publishing this post. And the beginning is, as they say, always the hardest part. By no means will I say that means everything will get easier, but you’ve started to reach out. Speak up. If you’re pissed off, say you’re pissed off. If you’re lonely and feel like there will never be anyone there for you, say it. It doesn’t mean you’ll feel pissed off or lonely forever. Tomorrow is new. So is next month. So is next year. When you decide to make the change to ask for help is up to you. It’s always up to you. And don’t say you don’t want someone who cares, because you just got me. And a whole bunch of other people on this site and in this world who do care if you give them the time. You are more important than you will ever know
well said……i dont have much to say as im not feeling good myself….but very well said..stay strong