i would say that most (not all) of us were happy at some point in the past. the happiest day of my life was my wedding, nearly four years ago. october 18th 2008 to be specific. i miss my happiness too. but mostly, i miss having my best friend, my love, my everything to talk to.
i am sorry. i am no good for positivity right now. i would say, be patient and you will feel happiness again. but it’s been a year since she left me, and every day is worse than the one before. :/
i am “sad” because my dad just got killed in afghanistan, he always came back. and he was supposed to come home this time, but he didn’t make it back, and he just needed one more week and he’d come home
@fallen – thanks and all, but i have already decided and planned my ending. i accept it, and at this point i am looking forward to it. i only have a promise i need to fulfill to her before i can carry it out. hopefully it will be before the end of the year.
i do not wish for any other love. i have had and experienced where i belong… and i chose to remain faithfully devoted to her, even though she now chooses not to remain so to me. i believe in love everlasting. but a world without her friendship is not a world i can survive in, even if i wanted to.
i wish i could be of some help to others though, which is why i am here.
@ribbons – remember that everything in life requires balance. there would be no happiness without the sadness. let both be your guide.
i wanted him to come home again. I didn’t think of it as a possibility that he would die, i dont think many people know how it is. To prepare everything; his birthday party, early christmas presents, and make sweets to give to him at the airport- and then have it all shattered in front of you
@ribbons he was a man fighting for something he beleived in and thats all soldiers they fight for what they beleive in and thats a very brave and honourable thing to do.
@ribbons – i lost a loved one in iraq a few years ago. it is very hard, but try to keep in mind that your father was doing exactly the right thing. families of those in the armed forces are always worried about their loved ones returning home. your father knew every day that he was being part of something for the greater good, so his daughter could have a happy life. brave and honorable hardly do enough to describe the men and women who put themselves at risk, in order to make the world a better and safer place.
@fallen – legally we are, put the divorce paperwork will be filed with the courts sometime in the next few weeks. i live 500 miles away from her (not my choice to do so mind you) and she lives with her 3rd or 4th boyfriend she has had since she left me a year ago.
…and really strange that we both used the words brave and honorable like that. i didn’t see you had posted that until after i posted it too. weird.
but i have now lost both of my parents, my mom died last year in iraq. They both died the same way, close to coming home. I wish i could at least be with them now; one parent, i still have the other; both, and i have no one. And now i have nothing because someone took it away
@jmvsic well mabye you can make me a promise that before you die you experience love one more time before you make up your mind and about the the desrciptive words, i have a pretty anti-western stance but a soldiers is a human and he is fighting for we thinks is right and its doesn’t matter what side he is on he is still human and it’s brave and very honourable that he belevies so strongly in his cause that he will fight for it. no matter what country or launguage you speak that feeling for a man in uniform is the universal launguage
@ribbons – that is truly a terrible loss to suffer. i cannot begin to imagine that pain. coming from a home where both your parents served, i am sure they taught you the purpose of duty. they didn’t want to leave every time they were deployed, but they did because they knew that they were needed.
i’m now even sobbing because these kinds of situations really upset me. you didn’t deserve this kind of loss. you are understandably sad and upset. i am so sorry that you have had to experience such horrible pain at such a young age.
@fallen – i am sorry, but i cannot make that promise. see, i already made a promise to love only my wife. that’s not to say that love isn’t surely possible again, just that when i fell in love with her, it was as if all the universe conspired to bring us together. i appreciate the effort and all, but my heart will only beat for her, until it beats no more.
when they told me, i just started crying, i couldnt stop. this happened today, and i thought today was normal. I did shameless things with no respect, and when i found out i felt guilty; they were dead, and i wasn’t even appriciating what i had
@ your a hopless romantic like me sir, but try to get the message from this poem i’m trying to tell youHave you ever seen the shadows dance?You probably haven’t. It takes the right kind of person, and you can’t just be born that way.It takes effort.It takes time.It’s not easy.You have to live to see them.Not breath, in, out, in, out, no. Not even be perfectly kind. Nor be truly perfect. Those people will never see the shadows dance.In order to be the right kind of person, you have to see from another persons view. Walk a mile in another man’s shoes. Be kind and gentle. Be cruel and brutal. Survive and kill. Suffer and cause suffering. Save a life. Be saved yourself.Live. Love. Be loved. Lie. Be lied to. Break a heart. Have your heart broken. Experience true terror, and true relief.Shatter your life.Pick up the pieces.By the time this is done, you’ll be old and grey. Don’t feel bad about this. No one is going to get there and still be young.Go out onto your porch, probably with your partner and kids if you have them.And watch the shadows dance.
@ribbons don’t feel guitly this isn’t your fault and whatever you’ve done shoudln’t make you feel guity. you didn’t know this was going to happen. just be glad you were on good terms with them and proud of them from what i can tell
today was normal, right up until that moment you found out. so anything you did or whatever that makes you feel guilty doesn’t matter. you did nothing wrong. you have nothing to be ashamed about.
and the sad truth about everything and everyone in our lives is that we rarely appreciate them until they are gone. it’s one of the worst facts about life, but one you can change and make amends for, even to your parents.
Nobody gets it. i screwed up today, i had a fucking sex with an 18 year old guy- thats three years older than me- that my dad trained himself when the kid was my age, he just came back from afghanistan himself last month, and i know i messed up on this
having sex with a guy three years older than you isn’t disrespectful. (maybe not a great idea, but certainly not disrespectful) so your dad was like his commanding officer or something? so what? that doesn’t matter either. if you look back on these things as mistakes, they will eat away at you for a long time to come. i know it is hard, but try and look at it this way; today was just like every other day, until you heard the news.
i doubt if you heard the news first thing in the morning, that you would have gone out looking for the 18 year old guy to have sex with him… so what you did before that moment, does not matter. you did nothing to be dishonorable or disrespectful of your parents. i ope that makes sense someday.
I do, well, i did. i think i don’t love him anymore, i dont want to be with him, i hardly want to look at him, it disgusts me- not as much him as i am of myself
@ribbon i am a strict muslim and we don’t belevie in such but there are a few things in my relegion i don’t belevie in, if someone has sex before marriage it isn’t wrong. what i see is a loving daughter who cared about her parents and is so good hearted that when she did one small wrong thing she let it eat at her
well, your choices are yours to make. these are all just moments that end up shaping who you are and who you will become. the loss of your father today i think is more of the defining event of today. what you did before (even if it was just right before) is inconsequential to how you should feel about your fathers death.
even though you didn’t ask for it, my advice would be to give yourself some time to let everything sink in. you will probably find for yourself the proper balance of sadness and happiness. and do your best to remember that you haven’t done anything today that was so horrible that you cannot learn from it.
lol i’m not orginally muslim i’m born in canada from indian parents, i read the english translation of the quran and belevie in muhammids teaching, my orginally sikh but both can be very strict, infact my parents don’t know i beleive in islam, they would kill me but its all i beleive in.
Now back to the poem what it means is you have to live life, you’ll have your heart broken and you’ll probably break someone elses heart but the shadows are just a term for the beauty in life and you can only see it if you live it
as far as religious faith goes… i believe that is all up to the individual to choose the path (or paths) for them. but that is irrelevant.
i am completely aware of the wisdom of living for the sake of experience and wisdom. one cannot learn, grow, and become unless you LIVE THROUGH the mistakes. i am sure i could be with someone else, just as she has been and is right now… but i am also sure of my devotion. i understand that people will make mistakes. it’s what we do best actually. but i know myself, and i know how my heart and mind work. if i continue living, i might eventually love again, but i know deep down that this other person will always be second in my heart and soul. that isn’t fair to anyone.
i do not wish to kill myself for her. that post by suicidy about begging and pills… in my opinion, he was reaching for attention because of his pain, not truly wishing to end his life. i am not judging either way, but my process is vastly different. i end my life for two main reasons. because i know my own hearts devotion. i understand it completely. and because she wishes a life without me, and i know that as long as i breathe upon his earth, i will hope and try to be with her again. my death is the only way i can give her what she wants, again, because i understand the way i believe and feel.
that is the thing… she had changed so much over the last year, that she will be glad to finally gotten rid of me (the problem). i read that you are still but 18 years old, and i don’t doubt your wisdom. i do doubt your knowledge and experience on such matters though.
the sad truth of (my) life is that we always end up hurting the ones we love the most, and they end up hurting us as well. when my wife and i were married, it was supposed to be “for better and through worse”… i admit to making serious mistakes, and i know in my hear that she isn’t perfect either, but i have been completely abandoned and destroyed by the one person i expected (and promised) to be there for, through better and worse. it is a pain that i cannot accept or dismiss. and my love for her i cannot and will not chose to ignore.
i thank you for your concern and all, but my life was over october 8th of last year… i am just existing now, until i am able to carry out my plans.
i do not wish to discuss them in a public forum if that is okay with you. i will simply explain that i will be starving myself, and eventually succumbing to dehydration and/or exposure.
truthfully, i do not want to die. but as i have stated before, a life without her is not something my heart can or will accept. this is the answer that is best for me, and for her. besides, my promise to her is keeping me from doing it anytime soon. i have to sell our home, which we bought together in 2009. i promised her to remove her from all financial liability. i am essentially ruining my credit to save her from having hers ruined as well. so, as soon as i can sell out home, i will begin to make good on my plans.
however, the housing market in america right now is terrible. so it may be as much as a year before i can sell. but i hope to be rid of it before the end of the year. whatever the case, i still have plenty of (too much really) time, to be suffering in this empty and lonely pain without her.
i am what they call “spiritual”. i do not follow any specific teachings, though in college i did study many different faiths both historical and modern.
essentially i believe in a shared energy among all things, a common good, and love.
55 comments
happiness is cyclic. believe me… you’ll get there eventually
which one are you
im the one on the right
Beautiful (:
why are you sad?
i would say that most (not all) of us were happy at some point in the past. the happiest day of my life was my wedding, nearly four years ago. october 18th 2008 to be specific. i miss my happiness too. but mostly, i miss having my best friend, my love, my everything to talk to.
i am sorry. i am no good for positivity right now. i would say, be patient and you will feel happiness again. but it’s been a year since she left me, and every day is worse than the one before. :/
@jmvsic sorry about your wife man but just hold on live comes when you least expect and you’ll find it in the oddest places
i am “sad” because my dad just got killed in afghanistan, he always came back. and he was supposed to come home this time, but he didn’t make it back, and he just needed one more week and he’d come home
i’m sorry for your loss 🙁
want to talk about it?
that sucks. sorry for your trouble :/
@fallen – thanks and all, but i have already decided and planned my ending. i accept it, and at this point i am looking forward to it. i only have a promise i need to fulfill to her before i can carry it out. hopefully it will be before the end of the year.
i do not wish for any other love. i have had and experienced where i belong… and i chose to remain faithfully devoted to her, even though she now chooses not to remain so to me. i believe in love everlasting. but a world without her friendship is not a world i can survive in, even if i wanted to.
i wish i could be of some help to others though, which is why i am here.
@ribbons – remember that everything in life requires balance. there would be no happiness without the sadness. let both be your guide.
i wanted him to come home again. I didn’t think of it as a possibility that he would die, i dont think many people know how it is. To prepare everything; his birthday party, early christmas presents, and make sweets to give to him at the airport- and then have it all shattered in front of you
@jmvsic are you two still married?
@ribbons he was a man fighting for something he beleived in and thats all soldiers they fight for what they beleive in and thats a very brave and honourable thing to do.
@ribbons – i lost a loved one in iraq a few years ago. it is very hard, but try to keep in mind that your father was doing exactly the right thing. families of those in the armed forces are always worried about their loved ones returning home. your father knew every day that he was being part of something for the greater good, so his daughter could have a happy life. brave and honorable hardly do enough to describe the men and women who put themselves at risk, in order to make the world a better and safer place.
your loss is felt here too, and i am sorry.
@fallen – legally we are, put the divorce paperwork will be filed with the courts sometime in the next few weeks. i live 500 miles away from her (not my choice to do so mind you) and she lives with her 3rd or 4th boyfriend she has had since she left me a year ago.
…and really strange that we both used the words brave and honorable like that. i didn’t see you had posted that until after i posted it too. weird.
but i have now lost both of my parents, my mom died last year in iraq. They both died the same way, close to coming home. I wish i could at least be with them now; one parent, i still have the other; both, and i have no one. And now i have nothing because someone took it away
@jmvsic well mabye you can make me a promise that before you die you experience love one more time before you make up your mind and about the the desrciptive words, i have a pretty anti-western stance but a soldiers is a human and he is fighting for we thinks is right and its doesn’t matter what side he is on he is still human and it’s brave and very honourable that he belevies so strongly in his cause that he will fight for it. no matter what country or launguage you speak that feeling for a man in uniform is the universal launguage
@ribbons – that is truly a terrible loss to suffer. i cannot begin to imagine that pain. coming from a home where both your parents served, i am sure they taught you the purpose of duty. they didn’t want to leave every time they were deployed, but they did because they knew that they were needed.
i’m now even sobbing because these kinds of situations really upset me. you didn’t deserve this kind of loss. you are understandably sad and upset. i am so sorry that you have had to experience such horrible pain at such a young age.
@ribbons im so sorry for your both your loss:( hugs going out to you, you should always be proud of your parents
@fallen – i am sorry, but i cannot make that promise. see, i already made a promise to love only my wife. that’s not to say that love isn’t surely possible again, just that when i fell in love with her, it was as if all the universe conspired to bring us together. i appreciate the effort and all, but my heart will only beat for her, until it beats no more.
when they told me, i just started crying, i couldnt stop. this happened today, and i thought today was normal. I did shameless things with no respect, and when i found out i felt guilty; they were dead, and i wasn’t even appriciating what i had
@ your a hopless romantic like me sir, but try to get the message from this poem i’m trying to tell youHave you ever seen the shadows dance?You probably haven’t. It takes the right kind of person, and you can’t just be born that way.It takes effort.It takes time.It’s not easy.You have to live to see them.Not breath, in, out, in, out, no. Not even be perfectly kind. Nor be truly perfect. Those people will never see the shadows dance.In order to be the right kind of person, you have to see from another persons view. Walk a mile in another man’s shoes. Be kind and gentle. Be cruel and brutal. Survive and kill. Suffer and cause suffering. Save a life. Be saved yourself.Live. Love. Be loved. Lie. Be lied to. Break a heart. Have your heart broken. Experience true terror, and true relief.Shatter your life.Pick up the pieces.By the time this is done, you’ll be old and grey. Don’t feel bad about this. No one is going to get there and still be young.Go out onto your porch, probably with your partner and kids if you have them.And watch the shadows dance.
@ribbons don’t feel guitly this isn’t your fault and whatever you’ve done shoudln’t make you feel guity. you didn’t know this was going to happen. just be glad you were on good terms with them and proud of them from what i can tell
today was normal, right up until that moment you found out. so anything you did or whatever that makes you feel guilty doesn’t matter. you did nothing wrong. you have nothing to be ashamed about.
and the sad truth about everything and everyone in our lives is that we rarely appreciate them until they are gone. it’s one of the worst facts about life, but one you can change and make amends for, even to your parents.
Nobody gets it. i screwed up today, i had a fucking sex with an 18 year old guy- thats three years older than me- that my dad trained himself when the kid was my age, he just came back from afghanistan himself last month, and i know i messed up on this
@ribbons do you love him?
love who?
the man you slept with, if so it’s ok and if not it’s still okay your human and will make mistakes
having sex with a guy three years older than you isn’t disrespectful. (maybe not a great idea, but certainly not disrespectful) so your dad was like his commanding officer or something? so what? that doesn’t matter either. if you look back on these things as mistakes, they will eat away at you for a long time to come. i know it is hard, but try and look at it this way; today was just like every other day, until you heard the news.
i doubt if you heard the news first thing in the morning, that you would have gone out looking for the 18 year old guy to have sex with him… so what you did before that moment, does not matter. you did nothing to be dishonorable or disrespectful of your parents. i ope that makes sense someday.
I do, well, i did. i think i don’t love him anymore, i dont want to be with him, i hardly want to look at him, it disgusts me- not as much him as i am of myself
i heard right after i actually slept with him, i think my family has a thing for bad timing
@ribbon i am a strict muslim and we don’t belevie in such but there are a few things in my relegion i don’t belevie in, if someone has sex before marriage it isn’t wrong. what i see is a loving daughter who cared about her parents and is so good hearted that when she did one small wrong thing she let it eat at her
Thank you, for the support
well thats what we’re here for. we hope you feel less guilty and our deepest condolences
well, your choices are yours to make. these are all just moments that end up shaping who you are and who you will become. the loss of your father today i think is more of the defining event of today. what you did before (even if it was just right before) is inconsequential to how you should feel about your fathers death.
even though you didn’t ask for it, my advice would be to give yourself some time to let everything sink in. you will probably find for yourself the proper balance of sadness and happiness. and do your best to remember that you haven’t done anything today that was so horrible that you cannot learn from it.
@jmvsic you understand what i was trying to tell you with the poem?
@fallen – no, i do not know what you are referring to. (as-salamu alaykum btw… i am not muslim, but i have heard that used before)
lol i’m not orginally muslim i’m born in canada from indian parents, i read the english translation of the quran and belevie in muhammids teaching, my orginally sikh but both can be very strict, infact my parents don’t know i beleive in islam, they would kill me but its all i beleive in.
Now back to the poem what it means is you have to live life, you’ll have your heart broken and you’ll probably break someone elses heart but the shadows are just a term for the beauty in life and you can only see it if you live it
as far as religious faith goes… i believe that is all up to the individual to choose the path (or paths) for them. but that is irrelevant.
i am completely aware of the wisdom of living for the sake of experience and wisdom. one cannot learn, grow, and become unless you LIVE THROUGH the mistakes. i am sure i could be with someone else, just as she has been and is right now… but i am also sure of my devotion. i understand that people will make mistakes. it’s what we do best actually. but i know myself, and i know how my heart and mind work. if i continue living, i might eventually love again, but i know deep down that this other person will always be second in my heart and soul. that isn’t fair to anyone.
i do not wish to kill myself for her. that post by suicidy about begging and pills… in my opinion, he was reaching for attention because of his pain, not truly wishing to end his life. i am not judging either way, but my process is vastly different. i end my life for two main reasons. because i know my own hearts devotion. i understand it completely. and because she wishes a life without me, and i know that as long as i breathe upon his earth, i will hope and try to be with her again. my death is the only way i can give her what she wants, again, because i understand the way i believe and feel.
sorry ribbons for taking up space on your post…
but if you love her imagine how she’ll feel, once she knows she’s responsible for your death sir
that is the thing… she had changed so much over the last year, that she will be glad to finally gotten rid of me (the problem). i read that you are still but 18 years old, and i don’t doubt your wisdom. i do doubt your knowledge and experience on such matters though.
the sad truth of (my) life is that we always end up hurting the ones we love the most, and they end up hurting us as well. when my wife and i were married, it was supposed to be “for better and through worse”… i admit to making serious mistakes, and i know in my hear that she isn’t perfect either, but i have been completely abandoned and destroyed by the one person i expected (and promised) to be there for, through better and worse. it is a pain that i cannot accept or dismiss. and my love for her i cannot and will not chose to ignore.
i thank you for your concern and all, but my life was over october 8th of last year… i am just existing now, until i am able to carry out my plans.
what are your plans if you don’t mind my asking
i do not wish to discuss them in a public forum if that is okay with you. i will simply explain that i will be starving myself, and eventually succumbing to dehydration and/or exposure.
@ribbon you are very pretty stay strong!
well i can’t phyiscally stop, due to the fact i have no information to find you, but i really hope you’ll reconsider
night everyone i’ll pray for all of you
truthfully, i do not want to die. but as i have stated before, a life without her is not something my heart can or will accept. this is the answer that is best for me, and for her. besides, my promise to her is keeping me from doing it anytime soon. i have to sell our home, which we bought together in 2009. i promised her to remove her from all financial liability. i am essentially ruining my credit to save her from having hers ruined as well. so, as soon as i can sell out home, i will begin to make good on my plans.
however, the housing market in america right now is terrible. so it may be as much as a year before i can sell. but i hope to be rid of it before the end of the year. whatever the case, i still have plenty of (too much really) time, to be suffering in this empty and lonely pain without her.
you seems relegious, are you?
i am what they call “spiritual”. i do not follow any specific teachings, though in college i did study many different faiths both historical and modern.
essentially i believe in a shared energy among all things, a common good, and love.
hmmm i really wish i could change your mind, i think it there’s a reason we met
there is a reason (or design) in every meeting and situation. the exact nature of things will only reveal itself however, when it’s supposed to.
take care fallen~
night man
I’m sorry for your losses, you should listen to mayday parade- without the bitter the sweet isn’t so sweet. I hope your ok. Well as ok as you can be x