never felt this hopeless before..

i have never felt this hopeless before. i just want it all to go away and i can only think of suicide. i always told myself that i would never do it however its all ive been thinking about lately. its always on my mind. i just want the pain and the hopelessness to go away. im such a failure in life. i have nothing going for me. the only reason why ive stayed this long is for my little sisters and my boyfriend other than that i would have been gone a long time ago. but right now im scared because lately i have been not caring about my sisters and boyfriend so its like i have a clear path to destruction. im afraid of myself. im afraid if im alone ill do something stupid that i cant take back. but i feel like its the only thing i have left. ijust feel like such a burden to everyone including mostly my boyfriend.