I’m about to tell you the last thing you want to hear. I’m eighteen. When I was 14 my best friend killed himself. My role model. The person I wanted to be just like. Me and his family have never recovered. Neither has anybody who loved him. At the time I’m guessing ( NOBODY will ever know ) that he thought he had nobody. Boy was he wrong. If only he saw what it did to his family. His friends. Me.
Please, I’m literally begging you. Please reconsider. I don’t care what you say, people would miss you. People would never recover. People would never […]
October 2012
And the winner is: hanging.
Best options I have are to either hang myself or jump in front of a train. For fucks sake, isn’t Holland supposed to be a drug paradise? Why the fuck am I unable to get methadone. This is just so disapointing.
I asked my basically only friend to come over and smoke some weed with me last night. She didn’t want to come. Because she didnt agree with my “pathetic” lifestyle choices. Apparently being a lover of bdsm makes me less of a person.
One of my evil personalities is hoping she will feel guilty as fuck when she hears Im dead. The […]
I realized the other day that when suicide is the only thing on my mind and I am planning everything out, I become happy. Then I give life another go and instant depression. Its weird and annoying to be honest.
But I think the cause of this is a mental disorder (I think I’m bipolar). I haven’t been to a doctor to find out because they will push me on to some drug that I don’t want to go onto because I feel it makes me a fake person. Even if it helps, fuck that. From my experience when someone goes off their anti-depressants they get […]
Sometimes I wish someone would care enough to just sit down with me and let me cry without turning it into a chance to make me feel guilty for not being able to stay happy..It’s not like I haven’t tried and they knew what they were getting into…I just want a few seconds where I’m allowed to be selfish for once instead of having to be the one to help everyone else…Is this too much to ask for? Just once in a while..
I think I have to be the biggest hypocrite on the face of the planet. I am a licensed clinical social worker who took an oath to prevent suicide and yet it’s all I think about every night, all night, every day, all day. I hate my existence so much so that every night my only prayer is that I never wake up. I want to cease to exist, to never wake up, to die and forget this horrible thing called “Life”. At times I look at my clients who talk to me about wanting to commit suicide and I want to tell them to […]
The chat has been hijacked. For trolling, go there. For help, stay away.
Everything is a fucking joke, isn’t it?
Why do people get up in the morning? Why does anyone care?
I’ll tell you a story.
There was a beast who lived in the middle of a wasteland. This wasteland never received any rain, and the sun baked it until the ground cracked and all plant life died from the lack of water.
The beast was very small, with two heads. Each head hated the other and they would bicker at each other, the one trying to kill the other, all day long. The first head was aggressive and refused to relent. The second head was passive and refused to attack.
After […]
I see myself going toward a road with no exit. I know it, but I’m like another me seeing myself going the wrong direction, the one that gets narrower every step, and cannot tell my other me to stop.
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When I was little I thought my life would be something more than this.I know for a fact if my child self could of viewd how I am now it would be dissapointed and it wouldn’t look forward to anything in the future.When I was little you could say I had it all my parents had me at 18.I loved my child hood despite my parents my mom and dad would always fight and my dad would beat my mom and I could do nothing about it cause I was so little.I got older and I grew to hate my dad.He started to hit me.He […]
Mike is her passion. You’re just an orgasm for her when she can’t be with him. You can’t ever be anything more than that for her. You hurt her too deeply when you left her alone. Just give up. You can never make her happy. You can never satisfy her. You know, deep down inside, that you’ve lost a part of her that you fell in love with, and now, it’s easier for her to have passion with anyone but you. Now just drag the blade down your wrist and be done with the pain. You suffered as well. You were alone, too. But all […]
It’s your turn to end the pain. I’m in your hand. She said that you can’t feel passion. Prove her wrong. Feel the passion of death. Free yourself. Body, mind, and soul. You gave them to her and and now she’s given them back. It’s the cowards way out, but that’s all you are. You didn’t fight for her then. Why change who you are now? Feel me open you, letting the pain and feelings flow out. She doesn’t care anymore. Her healing is hers to do. And when she heals, she’ll go on with her life. Alive or dead, you’ll still be just a […]
as much as i love the people in my life, as much as i try to love so many things about my life, as many times as i try to justify living and try to comfort myself…
i don’t see the point
i honestly just don’t see the point, and nothing feels good anymore.
i just want it to be over with.
i don’t see why i should ever leave my room again.
Burning pain in the pit of my heart
Try so hard to push it away but the inferno keeps burning despite all that I do. Sticks and stones ya they break bones but words they hurt my soul. You break me down till I’m but a shattered remnant of who I once was. Your words they cut like knives ripping the heart from my chest I lie bleeding on your floor. You smile and kick me some more. Why do I love? All it brings me is pain, what do you want from me? My heart? It is in your hands, beating, burning, bleeding for […]
I’ve been trying to stay positive for a month now. I’ve been trying not to think about negative thoughts, but it’s coming back. All of it. I’m having a panic attack for something so stupid. To make a long story short, I got a job today at The Gap, I start Thursday and I’m worrying about it because of something so dumb. Okay, as we all know I’m shy, and  pretty much an introvert. I’m going to be a sales associate, they also want me to harass and sell customers credit cards and I am not comfortable doing that at all. I’m freaking out, for something […]
Im 14 years old now and i’m very self consious about myself. I really hate myself. I’m ugly and useless. I have some suicidal thoughts but i’m stuck on what to do. I don’t seem suicidal but i’m very quiet. I don’t know if i want to kill myself or not. I don’t have a bad life or anything it’s just me, you know? I’ve thought about a plan on killing myself, saving up money and buying things for my family and my only friend, and then either starving myself or hanging myself. I don’t know if it’s the answer, i’m scared about it but […]
The Lady Chained To The Bottom Of Sea
Her hums can be heard from the depths of the sea
Petrifying any who listen to thee
The quiet tune, the soft melody
Floating up to be set free
Along comes a ship with a man at work
Hearing something beautiful, up his ears perk
His eyes roll back as his body jerks
Then falls in the sea with a bewildered smirk
Down, he falls into her dark abyss
He opens his eyes as she gives him a kiss
“Unchain me!”, she looked at him as she hissed
Hesitant, he stared as she offered this:
“You help me, and off you […]
My life isn’t even worth the paper my birth certificate is printed on…
Does anyone else get this way? That when you’re feeling a little better you feel more likely to attempt suicide than when you’re feeling crappy? Maybe it’s because when I’m feeling good I have more energy, so I feel like I will have the strength and willpower to carry out my suicide. Or maybe it’s because I want to end it all on a good note, rather than spend my last moments in a miserable fog.
Hi i am Naja (pronounced Ny-uh) and i am going to tell you people out there why i want to commit the big S. Ever since i was four, my life was terrible, i knew i was different… i just thought the other kids would accept me for who i am. I will name a few, Demetreus Toddman, Zach Conners, Logan Moss, the 3 main knives through my heart. I am 11 and they STILL bully me. i am fat, ugly, smelly, i have A.D.D.,i am weird strange and i LIKE to listen to depressing things. The point is, no one cares about me, and […]
I came here because i was having trouble in my life. I wanted something to cheer up and I found it but only for a little while. I first wanted to post blog but decided after that I was not going to post it yet. So I had gone to chat and I talked for a little while.
It was nice sometimes. I found enjoyable topics. Sometimes it moved fast or people said confusing thing. However I was banned and very confused. I never got to tell my story.
My mom sometimes says I am a man of many ways. I find the way always. always. Now […]