I’m sick of waking up each morning. I’m sick of going to work. I’m sick of shitty customers who are trying to put words in my mouth or make me misspeak so they can get something for free. Or complaining about a non-issue just to get a discount. I’m sick of debt that I’ll never get out of, or school that I’ll never return to because of the debt. I’m sick of laying down ten hours of my life at my dead-end job so I can have just enough money to pay the bills for my shitty single bedroom apartment just so I can have the pleasure of going home, going to bed, waking back up, and doing it all again. Â I’m sick of waking up in my bed, and looking over, only to find some pillows and mussed sheets. I’m sick of always being broke. I’m sick of my mother asking me if I’ve met anyone. I’m sick of jokes about my sexuality, or lack there-of. I’m sick of introducing myself to people, only to get shot down without any further conversation. I’m sick of opening up to people who I think reciprocate my feelings, only to get the sad old bullshit “I’m not the one for you,” or “It’s not you, it’s me.” I’m sick of being used by my “friends.” I’m sick of trying on stupid dating sites where I send out over a hundred messages, get two responses, and after responding never getting any further response. I’m sick of my phone ringing, because it’s only ever my mom. I’m sick of the news, because it’s all manufactured schtick designed to lead a population of sheep. I’m sick of the election. I’m sick of this country that is so deluded by the facade of the Kardashians or the Hiltons or who Lindsay is fucking or which pair of panties Britney didn’t wear or any of this shit that doesn’t matter.
Five more years of being sick, and I’ll be free.
17 comments
ME TOO!…Gahh I like seeing people that have things in common with me but at the same time, I know that theyre being tortured. It sucks. I really wish everything was better for you. I opened up to someone recently too and he was there for me until i made the mistake of professing my fondness of him..he then got a girlfriend and ceased talking to me. We have a bunch of other things in common but this comment is already too long. I hope things look up soon
Ohh and why 5 more years?
It was a date I set seven years ago. My thirtieth birthday.
Listen, 30 isnt even half of your life. 25 sure as hell isnt. I’m sure things will turn out just fine for you, really.
Ah, but I’ve been looking at suicide since I was twelve. I’ve spent more than half of my life considering death as an option, and it seems to look better and better every year. Especially considering the external factors of a nuclear superpowered extreme right Isreal threatening Iran, the impending presidential doom, “The Big One” which will hit Cali in the next decade, an international money system made to profit only the super rich and designed to fail spectacularly, and the increasing militarization of the local police forces.
Things are going to get really ugly. And they probably won’t get better.
Hahaa..are you just now realize that this world has gone to hell?
Seems like youre worried about the wrong things, mate. If I were you, i’d only worry about here and now. Life is too short 😉 to worry about any of those things.
I can’t not worry about them. They keep me awake at night. They consume most of my thoughts; these international problems that the rest of the country can somehow just shut out in the mindless noise that spews forth from the almighty tube.
haahaa mindless noise…people shut these things out by having friends, mate.
As im sure you do. Out of all of the shitty things going on in my life, I promised myself that I would not let this world ruin me. I would be a survivor when America is all but gone. And if anything ruined me, it would be myself, because I’m sure that is the one thing I’ve done and can do very well.
Actually, I don’t. I spend most of my nights either alone at home, or alone and about if I can afford it. It’s painful to go out alone. I had a hostess ask me flat out the other night, “What, don’t have any friends to come with?” She was kidding, but the creaking noise my throat let slip let her know that her comment rang true. I have maybe two or three people that I can call if I want to go to a bar, and only one real friend, but she’s far from local.
The only thing that really kept me going in high school was a web of friends and mutual support. Now both are gone, the days are long, and nights are bleak.
Not everyone finds someone great when theyre young. Maybe it’ll take you a bit to find someone..maybe you’ll be truly happy once you do. You should definitely find a way to email me though. I know how that feels…many nights ive spent home alone after work wondering if this is worth it. Hell i still do. But sometimes when it’s cold and rainy out, I have a weird feeling of hope…one that i’m trying to pass on to you before im of even less use. Work friends? Random friends? Old flames?
My favorite time of year is late November, when it gets cold outside and the air grows still, and the rain hangs in the air in a mist after it falls. I could stay outside forever when the weather is like that.
awwh 🙁 Much too long. I’m only 19 and i think i;d rather be used than be alone..which sadly is my problem. It never even crossed my mind that you were gay. I like sports and hate shopping ect. tomboy. People make that assumption about me all of the time and i have to change who I am just to get contact. -__- it’s bogus. I havent given up though and neither should you.
Also my favorite time. My body temperature is noticeably higher than everyone else’s and people like to be around me during the fall. I do love how the mist feels like tiny fairy kisses on my cheeks. It is a time at the end of the year worth being alive for.
I take care of myself and people see that I don’t have a girlfriend, so they always go straight to me being gay. It doesn’t help that when I’m in customer service mode my voice is at least an octave higher than normal speaking. >.<
Hah.that made me laugh about the customer service. If you take care of yourself then you should actually have a girlfriend. Or at least special 😉 friends
Wow…
@arizonaguy: This all sounds like something i wrote. Im 26, not 25. I’ve wanted to kill my self since the 5th or 6th grade, about 12 years old, like you. I work 50hrs plus a week to pay for shit to help get up and work the 50hrs next week. I hate my job. Id try and get another one if for a second i thought i would like any job. The only time my phone rings is if its my mom checking in on me. The constant anger and bitterness to everything going on in the wrold around me. We both plan on killing ourselfs before 30. The only thing different i could tell is you’ve had a girlfriend and you’ve had sex, two things i have/will never get to experience.
Stupid question, but im stupid so it should be expected, have you ever gotten any help?
Yeah, its pretty depressing seeing how blind and stupefied the masses are, given all that’s really going on, especially behind the scenes. Of course not everyone is, I’m generalizing majorities. Still, its destroyed my faith in humanity and is a precursor for what I call my ‘red button days.’ Those are days which if I had the red button to destroy this world, I would bang my fist on it, hell I would stomp on it jump up and down on it. Srry, I hope I don’t sound like too much of a bitter asshole.