when…

I’m always thinking if i ever go crazy, what would be the thing that makes me crazy. This seems like it’s getting there, and that is making me close…what would it be? When will i get crazy?
What would be the thing that makes me suicide. I’ve tried once in high school, and it was from a fight with a staff, thinking that i’ll make the staff regret for yelling at me, and go to the hospital and make the thing big. But i know that it’s from things that build up with my other friend. But i was saved…
now what would be the next thing that makes me want to end my life. There are more things, and i’m liking the feeling of laying in the bed and feeling like i’m dead more and more. what would make me explode and cut myself, or eat pills.
I know this time no one can save me. I’m all alone now. I live by myself. What would it be? Will it be something very small again?