hello, well i recently lost my sick daughter. i knew she was going to die eventually but i didn’t want it to be through suicide. i feel so upset and ashamed that i wasn’t there for her. I’m the worst mother in the world and i did not deserve to have such a beautiful and kind kid. i got a letter and some of it was,
dear mum I’m sorry i have been such a disappointment i didn’t mean to. why did you never understand? but none of this is your fault and i will always love you.
she said more but its too heartbreaking. i miss her i miss her so so much. i have other kids but they don’t care shes dead and its all my fault, i should never of had kids. I’m a single mother and the father comes once in a while but he doesn’t know his kid is dead yet, i have to start planning funeral arrangements but i just cant do it. she was so young she didn’t deserve this at all. i came to this website by trying to find out ways for suicide and how to prevent it but it came to this. i haven’t slept in weeks. i don’t know how to deal with this alone.
15 comments
am so sorry amelia……….. ur kid is no more now… so better u have to digest the truth and go on with ur life…………. u said u also have other kids….. so take care of them, find the happiest moments with them…… wer does der father leave? is he botherless about u? r u alone who is taking care of ur kids……………. its very disgusting……….. most of the men do dis….. i know u miss her so much and cant forget her,,,,,, try to upcome the situations……. lead ur life happy………….
u must arrange funeral arrangments……… its must….. think of ur litle daughter…… her soul shud rest in peace…………. u said u cant… what do u mean by that? r u alone? or do u have any other problem
im all alone in this, i have to look after my kids i do my best. i cant face it everytime i think about this i cry and i cant stop. i want to join my daughter but im going to fight for this well i will try.
ya…. dats gud…. fight for it. dont give up? i know u alone cant face it…. but if u join ur daughter what about ur other kids? and wht is the age of ur kids? i mean r they grown up
Suicide is pretty much a way of stating you can’t cope with life anymore, for whatever reason. It sounds like she was terminally ill, based on your original post. Most likely, she simply didn’t want to suffer anymore.
Your daughters last words was that she didn’t believe it was your fault, and she loved you. Take that to heart.
I’m sorry for your loss, as cliche as that phrase is.
How old was your daughter?
I’m sure she had her reasons, I hope you never blame yourself.
Was she not close to her siblings? I find it hard to believe your other kids would not care at all. We’re here to listen, if you need to talk.
i have 2 boys one is 16 and the other is 16 then i have 1 girl left and she’s 17, emma’s birthday is on november the 24, she was alone no one cared about her. my kids are awful they say they are glad she is dead. i just want to cry so much. im the worst person on the planet. she was only sick for a few weeks and she was ment to be going to a childrens hospital for surgery but i never got to tell her. emma was an amazing person and all she wanted to do is help people. i was the one who walked in on her in her room and it was awful. she thought she was ugly and worthless. i want her back i wish i could have taken the sickness and me die than her. she deserved a happier life one where she was cared for and loved. i keep thinking i should be with her she will be so hopless and scared wherever she is. i love you emma with all my heart. i am so so so sorry for how the family has treaten you, i hope you can see this so you know that i will love you and soon i will be with you, no matter what it takes. your brothers and sister can live with your dad and i’ll live with you… i hope to see you soon love mummy see you soon.
I know it’s hard, but your other kids deserve a mother just as much. Your reaction is really pretty normal under the circumstances, and I suggest talking to a grief conselor before doing anything. Your other kids probably don’t mean what they’re saying, but are trying to process what happened themselves. It’s going to take time. I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to tell Emma about the upcoming surgery; I can only imagine how awful that must be.
im the worst mum ever i wish i died and not emma. i dont deserve help.
Amelia. I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. It’s only natural that you are having all these mixed emotions. This is part of bereavement. You cannot cope with this on your own. Please go to your doctors and ask to speak to a counsellor. You must do this for your chilldren’s sake. It is impossible to believe right now but you will be happy again one day. You must not blame yourself for any of this because suicidal people are secretive and determined. Believe me I know.
Amelia, Amelia. I want you to wrap your arms around yourself tight and take a deep breath–in and out, and think of it as a hug from both me and your daughter. She loved you…and kids know when their parents love them back. Losing someone you love hurts like a /*****/. You get all these thoughts like “why didn’t I–” or “why couldn’t it have been me”…and they bog you down. And that’s normal. No one can just suck it up and go on with life just like that…that’s something that takes time. “How can I go on with my life without him/her?” Because face it, there is always going to be a hole there–a hole you can never fill, but one that can be patched up. Your daughter is gone, yes…but people never really die in a sense. They live on in the hearts of those they leave behind, which sounds really cheesy and all…but– The pain you’re feeling right now? If you decide to kill yourself, you’ll be making your other kids go though that pain too. It’s an unpleasant cycle. Lay your daughter to rest, and seek a grief counselor. You don’t have to be alone in this, love.
i’m never going to accept that she is gone and i will never find happiness, she was my only kid that cared about me and tried to help when i went through the recent divorice, she was just a sweetheart. my kids wouldnt care, they do what they want they yell at me and they tell me im ussless and i cant even keep my own daughter safe, that is how ussless i am. i don’t want help, i dont want people to see how ussless and horrible i am.
Amelia, if you loved your daughter, and clearly you did – you could never be the horrible mother you claim to be. She loved you because you were her mother, but I’m pretty sure she saw what a sweet heart you have and loved you all the more for it.
Honestly, contemplating suicide, I worry for my parents. I’m sure she worried for you, too. She would have wanted you to be okay. Her leaving wasn’t meant to hurt you, she needed escape from pain that she felt and it was probably the only way she felt she could truly escape it. Be strong for your daughter, the one you love the most. She would never want you to suffer.
Just based on what you say, I know you are a loving person. As long as you are, you will NEVER be a useless or horrible person.
It may be too early at this point, but down the line, consider volunteering for children who have lost their parents. Maybe your other kids could join you, too. Someone is always in need of love. Also, perhaps try to sit down and talk with your children. They are still growing. If you feel they are heartless, it is probably because they are becoming jaded by life. Show them love and talk with them, share how you feel. Ask them how they feel. Give them big hugs. Because I am sure you don’t want to lose them, and want them to be good people.
i will try eventually, i still have to get the guts to go in her room, i havint been in it at all.
The death of a loved one is always hard, no matter what the circumstances.
I really hope you can battle on through this rough time. And try to get help.