Hey everybody!
I’m a new user…I’m friedoysterskins, and I’m 15 years old.
Just thought I should introduce myself. Hopefully I’m welcomed to join the community!
For my first post on here, I’d just like to vent about a few things, if that’s alright.
Alright, well I consider myself an introvert. I keep most things to myself. I prefer solitude. I’m inexpressive at times. I suffer in silence. Why?
I don’t know why I bottle myself up, or why I don’t ever share what’s on my mind.
Two reasons I came up with why I do are:
- I feel compelled to not show any signs of weakness. I’m a very emotional person. Whenever I express how I feel, I get the feeling that it’s a burden. Whether I’m crying, or I’m agitated, I know that it disturbs the people around me. I get frustrated easily, I’m an easily annoyed person, so I lash out sometimes. I know this isn’t deemed as a ‘good’ way of expressing yourself, but when I get worked up, I’m irrational, so I don’t care about the consequences of my behavior. Therefore, I try to avoid expressing in such a way by trying to become inexpressive. At least, try to express myself at a minimum. I try to manage my reactions and interactions, Â I try to be strong. I mean, I know I shouldn’t think that showing emotion is considered weakness, because it doesn’t. I guess that I just don’t want anyone to worry. I think that, if I act inconspicuous, then nobody will suspect anything…… My mind is blurred most of the time, so IÂ over think too much, and I don’t know what to think…
- I dislike humans in general. I don’t want to go into detail why, though. I don’t like sharing personal things with other people. Well, that’s not entirely true, it depends on the individual. Still, overall I don’t like humans that much. Yes, I have family and friends, but they’re not people who I want to associate my problems with. I understand that that’s one of the reasons they’re for, to talk to and whatnot, but I prefer to not inconvenience them. I know I shouldn’t think of it as inconveniencing, and I don’t know why I do. It’s just better for me to consult with someone I barely know about these sort of things, as strange as that may sound. I just have a lot on my mind, and it’d do some good to share some of the things on my mind with somebody. Talking with somebody would definitely make me more at ease, but I’m not sure who to go to. I know that, in this case, exposing myself to someone is important and will sure relax me.
There’s a lot more to it than just those two reasons…..But, my mind is like in a stir right now, so I can’t really  think straight.
I like the analogy of me and a turtle. I can really relate to hiding in a shell. I know it’s not really healthy to do so, it has its cons.Â
It’s like I’m suffocating myself. You know, by keeping everything to myself and not sharing it with anybody. To only inhale and not exhale is truly troublesome. Its taken its toll on me. But I try to endure it, because I convince myself to not let such a trivial matter get a hold of me. Then again, it probably isn’t such a trivial matter since it does fuel my grief and impacts my thoughts and behavior severely. I just don’t know how to cope with things like this…
I apologize that the text is all over the place! I had a bit of fun with the text box features. Well, that’s pretty much all I wanted to spill out tonight. Until the next post.
1 comment
i guess we’re alike in a way that i don’t want to burden my friends with my problems. not one of my closest friends know what’s going on with me. except for the people online who can read what i posted.
hope to read your posts in the future.