i have been depressed which is a mild word  in comparison to what i feel for so long i dont remember ever being happy EVER,i hate this life i hate everything about it, i hate my ex i  would love to castrate him and  engulf him on fire then shoot myself, but naw i would rather just end my own pain let him live with his and everything he did to cause all my newest pain, i dont see any reason to exist other than to be miserable and makes those around me miserable and uncomfortable to be around me, people tend to steer clear of me because i seldom smile i rarely laugh all i do is cry constantly because the pain is so deep and so embetted into my  fiber i can barely breathe, , im not young im old i’ve lived this hell for many many many years and it has never gotten better if anything my pain is worst than ever before, will it get better? DOUBTFUL, i think i have been a mistake since the second i was concieved, everything i touch turns to shit everything i attempt falls short, every relationship has been a complete failure, i am ready for  it all to end, i am not  even going to think about a manefesto, i frankly dont give a crap who thinks what once im gone, what people that  never gave a shit in the first place are all of a sudden gonna feel guilty? i doubt it, reading anything i wrote isnt gonna make anyone feel shit for me thats a fact, they will see it as a pathetic person with a pathetic ending , all they will say is  its about time glad she’s gone.
i have never felt as useless and worthless as i do these days