Everything Has Changed

Last year this time everything was good. Decent grades and good friends. BUt ever since May life has gone downhill. I went away for a month hoping that when I came back things would be different, that every time I turned a corner I wouldn’t have to hold my breath. I know people say running away from your problems doesn’t help, but what was I suppose to do, I was scared and stressed and had to get away from the bad things. The Cuts. Never to close to the hand cause thats where the doctors check. Hmm am I a smarty or what. Now Im back and I have no friends. Seriously someone actually took my seat in class, like I isn’t even exist. I feel invisible, nobody really needs me. And I struggle every morning to get up cause its so damn hard to get it. It started with what he did to me. I think thats what pushed me over the edge and I became depressed and all that crap, but I think I’m over it, what he did and how I have to see him everyday I go to school. Its just everyone said that when you get over what he did everything will be better. But its not and Im confused because I hate him yes but after what he did who wouldn’t. It doesn’t bother me anymore that he used to be my best friend or how close we were. But I feel invisible from my friends and at school. I walk throw the halls like a ghost and it doesn’t bother me. Ya getting replaced by someone feels like shit and it hurt that my so called “best friend” didn’t even try to sit next to me and I feel like my teachers really don’t give a crap, but because my friends ignore me I have better grades than I have ever had and I don’t have to worry about drama. I don’t care that I don’t see them. In fact I couldn’t care less what they did. I don’t understand though that they ignore me for the most part but when it comes to saying what they are doing its all up in my face. Its like come on, how could you be so blind that you would think that it wouldn’t hurt. And I know I am saying I don’t care and then saying it hurt well thats about as clear as its going to get. My head is a mess, a big jumble of thoughts and feelings. Most of it just hurt.