PTSD and depression suck

My heart is racing,
and my hands are shaking.
Wow that nightmare seemed real,
at least that’s how it made me feel.
I am awake,the fight is over.
The struggle begins.
My first thought of the day,
keep my mind occupied so I don’t think about suicide today.
It’s a lot harder than it sounds,
because I have a lot of skeletons running around.
Why did you do those horrible things,
one of the skeletons likes to sing.
It was my job,I like to say,
but he answers, that excuse is gay!
I know that he is right,
at that time I chose to fight.
Now the their are no physical signs,
because all the scars are in my mind.
I tell him to go away,
they told me to fight that way.
They that everything would be OK
If I did like just they say.
I know he will be back alright,
because he will haunt my dreams tonight.
I go on about my day,
reminded of time I that I wore gray.
Nobody ever seemed to care,
what we did up in there.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
with the secrets I must keep.
My dreams filled with the times,
I was told to commit those crimes.
They said no one will know,
if you do what your told.
Now I know that is not true,
because it has left me feeling blue.
For the remainder of my life I will fight,
to bring these stories to light.
Hopefully people will care,
of what goes on up in there.
RDH