I have a secret: There’s voices in my head.
“Just do it…” they say “… you know you wanna!”
I’m scared of going to bed at night, that’s when they talk the most. Sayin’ things like: “Cut, cut, cut…” Even when I havn’t done it in a very long time.
Have drawn butterflies on my legs and my arm, but they don’t notice that.
My shaver is my best friend when the voices are killin’ me. My blue shaver with new and sharp razorblades. Gently, like a cats paw, puttin’ it on my thigh and quickly, as a the cats’ claw, pushin’ it down and away.
If I’ve done my job alright, they’re gone until the next day, but that’s only if I’m lucky.
Sometimes, I have to do it 16 times to get them to shut up. And even then, they don’t.
Being honest, I don’t want them to go away. They’ve been stuck in my head for so long, I cant remember my life without them. I just don’t want anybody to find out.
They are a part of me now. So what, if I’m the one that’s insane, I don’t care.
7 comments
SofieNybro,
Please don’t be upset with me, but I hate it, hate it, hate it! Cutting yourself on purpose! Hurting yourself slowly, you all feel ashamed afterwards and try to hide it, please do something else preferably something enjoyable, I know all you little vampires like to look at the blood ooooo……… the color! Blah blah blah, do you think a boy “that is in his right mind†going to stick around if he thinks your nuts? Yeah I know I’m being too harsh but really I don’t like you little shits cutting yourselves. Sorry if I offended you or anyone else.
I agree. Knock the cutting shit off. Whatever happened to singing along with a sad song?
Obviously you two seem like you have no suicidal thoughts so why are you on this website? This website is meant for people like soyfieNybro ..a place where we can talk about stuff like that and feel not judged.
#just saying
People self-harm for many different reasons. It helps them cope. It’s an addiction. It’s not so easy to just “knock it off.”
It is not easy to stop, and while the first two post are very *in your best interest, they arn’t sympathetic. Maybe seeing someone would be the thing you need. You need an outlet that will help you deal with what you have going on whether that is a freind, phyciatrist, familly. If that isn’t possible, then places like this site (ino) or even chatrooms. Have you tried doing more of things you enjoy to override your mind into a different set. If you enjoy hiking or reading or music, combinded thoses things; find a happy bood (that you will enjoy not just reading because its about butterflies) get some upbeat songs and go for a hike while listening to music find a quite place and spend the afternoon reading. Put a smile on your face before going to sleep and the voices will be covered up; if you can shadow then for a while eventually they will just about disapear and you can decide for yourself what you want.
Hope it helps. I 100% understand, I did the same thing and it took the loss of my brother to understand what it does to familly. He died the same night I tried, it was my personal punishment to see everyone’s reaction to it with pills in my system, blood on my arms, and bruises on my throat. (all hidden from people) I hope you don’t have to go through anything similar to get your motivation to quit.
Aperson,
“This website is meant for people like soyfieNybro ..a place where we can talk about stuff like that and feel not judged.”
we’re not judging anyone, we don’t want you to hurt yourself, physically or mentally, I don’t believe the only thing this website is for is suicidal people to encourage each other to die or hurt each other, I believe people should voice there opinions kinda like a scale you need some pros and cons to achieve equality, and I assure you I do feel very suicidal. You actually have it better than me you do what you want you bleed I do what I want I die. Like I said I think I’m talking to you like a real friend who cares. I don’t get on here and tell people who cut my opinion at every post or chance i get but every now and then because I feel bad for you.
Okay, first couple comments were a little blunt in my opinion…
Anywho, though you may not want to stop, is there anything that you could maybe do like journalling to help rather than cutting? I don’t know from personal experience, so maybe I’m not one to talk, but I hope that you can find something slightly more emotionally and pysically healthy to do.