Help post 2: Bullying and friends

Please don’t take these words as something Holy, because EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. MAKES. MISTAKES. I’m just talking about my experiences and what I’ve learned from chatting with other people. You don’t have to take my advices like it’s the Holy Bible.

BULLYING

First you need to understand what exactly bullying is.

It is a subject we’ve all been subjected to. Whether verbal or physical. You must understand, though, that bullying can have serious repercussions in the future. If anyone uses force or words to abuse, intimidate or otherwise make you really uncomfortable, then that’s bullying. You could be bullied from sexuality to your hair colour – if people dislike it, they want to show it. Usually bullying is done in front of other people, because it gives the bully a certain power and thrill. The more you struggle and try to escape, the more they want to bully you. Think of them as predators – wolves, around a rabbit, if you will.

You need to tell someone about this. It’s the cold truth and it may be embarrassing, but it needs to be done if you want something to be done. If you’re in school, still, then the first option is, of course, the guardians and/or the teachers. It may be even mortifying to do this, but grown-ups usually have more experience about these things and they would know what to do.

Random fact: 57% of students, who experience harassment in school, never report the incident to the school. 10% of those who do not report stay quiet because they do not believe that teachers or staff can do anything. As a result, more than a quarter of students feel that school is an unsafe place to be.

Teachers have power students sometimes don’t even know about in school. They can go directly to the principal, who in turn can go to the bullies and their parents. If such things continue to happen, the bullies can be expelled from school (but it also depends where you’re from. Do your homework and look this up, if you want help.) (Since schools depend on the government’s money and they get a certain amount for every child, you could kind-of threaten the principle that if nothing is done, then you will change schools. NOT THAT I RECOMMEND DOING IT!!!)

If you think that your parents are going to come to the school about this, then don’t be afraid. Because it can actually help! But if it doesn’t, then the next step is to call the cops! And I’m not joking about this. Tell the cops about how they harass you – go to the court if you have to, if it’s really bad for you. And 4 out of 5 times the bullies stop. If they still don’t stop, then you must understand that your safety comes first – you need to change schools. If it continues in the next school, repeat my steps, without fear! But, at the same time, don’t change schools immediately after your transfer, because of course people might pick on the new kid, but the thing is that you may actually make friends later. Don’t give up! Try and try again!

Random fact 2: Physical bullying peaks in middle school and declines in high school. Verbal abuse rates remain, sadly, constant from elementary to high school.

Let me tell you, now, what could help prevent bullying in school. It might not help much, but it’s a start.

First, making the teachers and also other students aware that bullying is taking place. Next, the students should make presentations about bullying themselves – the more detailed the text is, the more it helps (i.e. How a person, who was bullied, killed themselves using this and this kind of method. Details help.) Kids are cruel; they need to be subjected to gruesome details for it to work, as ruthless as it is. (But, at the same time, this is just MY opinion.) After that, the students must understand that bullying is completely and utterly unacceptable. And introduce this to the students – see a bully, stop a bully. The older students should take note of this, especially.

Verbal abuse, though not as hazardous as physical bullying, is wrong too. At the same time, though, you need to grow a thick skin and not let them see that they’re getting to you. The more they succeed in getting a rise out of you, the more they do it. Police don’t take verbal abuse as seriously, sadly. Still, you could turn to your teachers and parents.

But it’s the cold, hard truth that you need to ignore them. It’s hard, but necessary.

FRIENDS

We all need friends – fact. Finding them is another matter, though. But what if no one wants to talk to you? Where and how can you find friends.

Well, usually people don’t just come to you and ask to be friends. (Even though this happened to me once…) You need to make the first step yourself most of the time. Join clubs and groups (not gangs!), start slowly. Make small talk with other people or students, especially if the topic is something you’re comfortable talking about. BE NICE! If you’re a douche, the friends you find will break you eventually. (At the same time, though, if your group of friends makes small joking jabs at each other, then it’s fine every once in a while.)

You already probably know this, but if your friends pressure you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, REFUSE! You will be either
a) humiliated very very much
b) doing something that could be hazardous to someone else
c) doing something that could be hazardous to yourself

If they’re true friends, they will understand. If not, they’ll try pressuring you more. Break off all ties with them right now! If you feel uncomfortable doing so, then… wow, do I even have to say anything? If they’re bad for you, why would you feel the need to stay with them? Just stop, for your own sake.

What I consider to be good friends are those who under no circumstances give out false-gossip, or gossip about something that could humiliate another person very, very badly. And also, who can’t, or wont manipulate you.

It’s sadly very hard to talk about this topic, for me, as I only hang out with a certain kind of people. You can ask some questions in the comments section below and I’ll try to advise, though. 🙂