I started cutting about a year ago, it  started with stabbing myself all over with a needle. I then scratched all down my body, but in the last 6 months it got worse and i started to cut every night, it wasn’t just one shallow cut, it was deep and as i did it in the bath it spread everywhere and wouldn’t stop. I think once  i cut more than 10 times, and i know it doesn’t seem allot when you think about it, but to me it did, and it just wouldn’t stop bleeding. I slept in a hoodie, and wore a hoodie all the time even  in my house and when i slept. But at school i couldn’t cover them up, as i don’t have a school jumper and we are not allowed to wear anything else on top of your shirt other than a school jumper. People started to notice that i had a blood stained arm etc, and then my best friend just sort of turned against me. She always used to say that I purposely don’t have a jumper and i’m just trying to show off my cuts  etc. This made me cut more, then i met Ryan, we went out for 3 weeks, and broke up. He then went out with my best friend ( the one i was talking about) this made me really depressed and every night i would cut and cry myself to sleep. they went out for 3 weeks and broke up.  Then about a month later we got back together again ( we are still going). This made her hate me even more. Ryan made me promise to him that i wouldn’t cut, not ever again, and i agreed.
Last week there were lots of rumours spread about me, including one that i was lesbian and had a foursome. I am not lesbian, i am bi-sexual and have not had a foursome! Last week just got worse and worse and i spent most of the days crying, even at school. My new best friend started to hate me and flirted with Ryan and spread more rumours about me. But i still resisted the urge to cut. My mom and dad have always been judgemental towards me and i have often got physically abused by them. But now its more mental than physical. My dad made a silly comment which just sent me over the edge ( this was last night), and i broke my promise and i cut. I feel so bad because i promised him i wouldn’t, and i made him promise he wouldn’t ever leave me by myself. And so far he hasn’t broken it. I’m just so upset because everything is going wrong and i hardly ever make promises, but i did and i broke it.
4 comments
Come here – let’s talk. Forget all your bullshit and let’s just talk. No one wants to be your friend? Fine, we’ll hog you all to ourselves! Everyone against you in real life? Fuck them, I mean seriously. Fuck. Them. They’re not even worth your tears. So dry those cheeks and come to us – we will help.
And it will get better. But YOU have to make the first step towards recovery. Are you willing to start a strenuous and hefty task towards a better life? So many have started and so many have failed. But so many have also succeeded. We will help you along the way. But are you ready for this step? If you are, start by asking for advice. On a certain topic. We will answer.
If you’re not ready, yet, take your time. Read around this forum. Then come back. Let’s try to work it out together 🙂
So – you are cutting yourself on behalf of the pain you feel from others.
Cutting – as with any coping method – is not healthy for you even if it feels good. You know this. Its not even about the cutting.
Let me guess – you feel let down, afraid, hurt. So instead of standing up for yourself, you stand AGAINST yourself and rip yourself apart to atone for what others say, think or feel about you. Aren’t they enough pain without you turning on yourself?
Have you talked with a professional about this? You have GOT to – your life is at stake and I (for one) am on your side.
So you broke your promise. The promise was a quick fix to stop the cutting. What was under the knife before the promise was made? What was hurting so much? It has not stopped, has it. The problem, I mean.
You can start again. Cmon. I am on your side. This minute – and each minute beyond, take one at a time until you find out what is under the pain.
The cutting will stop when you address it. Its not about the cutting. Its what causes you to cut that matters.
I care.
thank you :3 i did cut last night, but not very deep, as you made me feel allot better. And no i haven’t got professional help, because i don’t want it. I wouldn’t have put my story up here, but after i did it just felt like a huge weight had been taken off me. I don’t really like telling people my story as i am afraid they will judge me, also in comparison to what other peoples story are, mine is very small and not very bad, so i’m afraid people will judge me for that as well. But i thank you both for helping me, and i will try and come on here more often to read through the other forums and try and address my problem.
We will always welcome you here, ama 😀