Right now I don’t even know how to put my feelings in writing.
Everything seems so far away. So unreachable. I have registered, and am going to write the entrance examination on January for university admission. But I can’t hold on any longer.
Recently all I want is just to die. I’m fed up of my life. I have lost everything. I have no family. I have cut myself off entirely from facebook etc. I have turned off my phone. I want to die alone.
Yesterday I took a razor and tried slithing my wrist… but I couldn’t. I wasn’t brave enough. When I tried cutting… it hurt. Seriously. Like, it hurt most that even what I’m feeling. I love myself. Because, for 17 years, no one loved me. So I came to loving my own self. And seeing blood seeping out of my skin is the biggest pain ever.
I let go of the razor and cried instead. I am ashamed of myself, I am ashamed for wanting to die. But things have just reached that maximum toll when I just can’t hold on anymore.
3 comments
There is not shame in wanting to die.
If anything, it’s rational.
How is your wrist today?
Mine is a little week…
why are you ashamed? theres nothing to be ashamed about. its not crazy to feel that down. i am happy you didn’t go through with it though. dont shut yourself out, it does no good, i have the hardest time not shutting myself out, and every time i shut myself out from people, things end up getting worse.
Thank you for the response… just to know what someone is reading makes me feel better.