It wasnt supposed to be like this

Im alternating between eating disorders. I feel so fat and ugly. Nobody likes me. Sorry that I annoy everyone. You know, you might feel bad for yourself because I “cramp your style” or “make you uncomfortable”, but how do you think i feel to hate myself. To have a meltdown almost everyday in school, but have no where to go. My thighs now look like tigers, covered in the stripes I gave to myself from cutting in the bathroom. I have no self control. Its a bit understandable when I have no where to turn. The few friends I have really don’t like me, but to be fair I can’t stand them either. The most perfect boy in the world who used to like me last year, doesn’t like me now either. I have no one. I miss my friends from the hospital.They were some of the best friends Ive ever had. I didn’t feel like I was burdening them. They understood me. But no they’re gone and I’m left all alone. At home. At school. My medicine has been making me so nauseous, so Ive stopped taking it, so I basically have non stop withdrawal symptoms. Its so hard to go on. I though I was better– somewhat, but now i feel more miserable than ever before. There is no right place for me to fit in.