my first time i

i have just cut for the first time. after i tried to kill myself a couple years ago i promise i wouldn’t do anything like that again. my depression has been wrapping around me tighter and tighter lately. i sat in my room crying when i remembered i had a pocket knife in my dresser. without hesitation i walked up to it, grabbed the knife and cut my inner thigh. after i saw the blood, i started to bawl my eyes out. it was almost as if something took over ,y body and told me to do this… but i feel like the wounds of my past are almost escaping from the wound. the physical pain is the redemption for the psycholigical pain i have been dealing with.  and at the same time it is a punishment in which i must undergo i order to get through my depression. like i said i have never done this before so i’m  not sure if that is the reason i actually did it, but i am starting to feel a bit better now.