Hey everyone most of you might know some of this but i really just need to get this out. No one really knows some of this stuff in my life but I need to get it off my chest.. I can’t carry this weight forever. and I can’t carry this weight alone. I trust so many of you on this site not to judge me or even respond but just to.. understand. Sorry if this doesn’t make much sense either.. I’m just trying to purge all of this information to maybe make more sense of it.. don’t worry it won’t be too long ill try to make this short..
Okay let me start by saying I had a decent childhood. My mother was verbally abusive and worries too much about weight. I grew up constantly worried about my weight starting in 5th grade. I was chubby and my mom would say I would never have a good life unless I lost weight. she would tell me I would never get a date. she would order for me at restaraunts as to not increase my calorie intake and make me gain weight. in high school I developed an eating disorder which follows me to this day I’ve been hospitalized twice for malnutrition. honestly this made my mother proud..
I met my fiancee in junior year of high school. he was amazing. my everything I was so infatuated with him that it wad crazy. I fell fast and hard.. he helped me out of my eating disorder telling me I was beautiful, the first time id ever heard those words. our relationship was amazing for the next 3 years and then he proposed. I got pregnant. Mother threatened to disown me if I kept the child. I had no money.. he had no money so I decided to have an abortion.
after that things went downhill will me and my fiancee. he started getting angry with me and very controlling. He did mma, muy Thai and Brazilian jui jitsu. he started using his skills against me when he got angry. putting me in chokes, punching, kicking and the worst by far was the throws. he would pick me up and throw me over his shoulder. I was living with him as I got kicked out of my moms house for getting pregnant. I was afraid for my life. after a year of this abuse I decided to get out. my parents helped me move out of his house and they sent me to live with relatives in another state. I miss him. I long for him. he was my everything my whole life yet my biggest nightmare. I feel myself slipping back into the darkness. haven’t eaten for 3 days.. I’ve gotten really good ay faking it. I’m in pain. I want to die but I hope things will get better.. being on this site and meeting people here have helped immensely.. I love you all and I will continue fighting. I don’t have it worse than anyone else here.
this is just my story. sorry. its boring and might be too long. I just want help. I want to finally find someone to love. I don’t even have friends in this state and my parents won’t let me come back.. I need you guys. <3 love you all.
5 comments
Yes, eating disorders can be a real issue. I’ve developed Anorexia nervosa myself at around age 18 for reasons linked to stress. It’s very hard afterwards to not get it back again, especially if you fall on hard times like you did. However, you were probably correct in moving out, violence or mind control can get pretty heavy in a relationship and you might have gotten eating problems on top of the abuse if you had stayed there.
xxxlonelyxxx: so sorry for your struggles. Glad you’re out of the violent relationship, but I do understand the continued attraction for him, even if it seems irrational. You finally found someone to give you unambiguous messages of love (unambiguous initially, anyway). Your parents helped you at a very critical time, as getting out of a violent relationship can be as difficult as conquering an eating disorder. So give yourself credit. But your mother also sounds fairly controlling. Do you feel like you can or want to open up to aunt/uncle?
You are a strong person to have made it this far and not be broken. Keep fighting. You are worth it. One day at a time.
Sending you all the luck and happiness I can. 🙂
Ruins
I am horrified at your mother. I am totally stunned and struck. She is absolutely mentally evil, forcing her daughter to have an abortion, leading her daughter to have eating disorders.
I have profound sympathy for you because simply you have been a helpless victim of heinous manipulation. You relate your boyfriend, a martial arts violent criminal beats you and batters you and you even write that you want to go back to him because he was your everything.
I hope that at least you realize the madness of what you are saying. You have been under the horrible abuses of two monsters, yet you talk of them as your closest ones.
This is where you need to start grabbing things in your control, realize the abomination you have been subject to, and completely delete those two bastards from your life. Get a chance to tell your mother the evil monster that she is, and start a life on your own. Find a fine man, someone who is truly loving and stable and join him in life. You should even sue your mother before the tribunals for horrible psychological abuses. Believe me, any lawyer, having your medical history and your testimony will put that ***** behind bars. That is what she deserves.
But, the important point is that You now understand this clearly and that You start taking control of your life and realize, realize what they have done to you.
hugs
I’m glad u gotaway from that violent man. and maybe now away from both ur fiance and ur mom u can begin a new life. a better one this time.