I know I’m gonna get judged for this,but I’m a drug-addict and have been for 20 odd year. Because i’m a heroin addict its impossible to get help for my depression,which was there before I got into heroin at the age of about 18. I started off with the usual recreational party drugs,but quickly descended into harder drugs and its ruined my whole life..
I am now 36,I was of all drugs for 11months a few years ago but stupidly ended up back on them. I started self-harming when i was 14,went right of the rails etc.
I’ve now got to the point I don’t want to go on anymore and the only thing thats stopping me is my family,who I know love and care about me but they live in a different country,so they don’t know how bad things got,again.. It’s stopped me from taking my life so far,but I don’t know how much longer it will..
Ive been totally isolating myself for the last few months(I was in hospital for a month a few months ago due to a bloodclott,and a bloodinfection which apparaently could’ve killed me,I wish it had) and since i came out of hospital things have just gone from bad to worse and all i do is sleep,cry and have sex with disgusting men to feed my habit,and its just not worth living like this.
I’ve been trying to get help,anywhere and everywhere but because I’m a junky they’re just not interested. And I don’t know what to do anymore…
Jane Doe
3 comments
You cleaned yourself up once right? You can do it again. Just take baby steps. Baby steps . If you really want to change you’ll figure a way, but if you don’t, then you will never find the help. What do you want to do?
very sorry you been hooked that long dammit! nobodys going to judge you,you are an addict everyone is addicted to something,but what your addicted to may kill you! you made it this far so it’s time to stop! get metadone go to a shelter keep knocking on doors,get out of that endless cycle,you can do it! try real hard,stop sleeping with men for drug money.put some of that money aside to get cleaned up. oh i know it isn’t easy but girl it’s up to you,it’s your life take it back! my best wishes for you!
Thanks Rocketman for your encouraging words,and you too blackhole,I’d posted a comment before but it seems to have been removed,it must’ve said something that’s not allowed and got removed..
Anyway,another day,made it through… And I know its up to me to take action,its just so damn hard when you’re already lethargic,hopeless etc and keep gettin doors slammed in your face.. People (as in healthworkers,doctors,nurses etc,I must add with a few exceptions !!!) treat you different when you’re an addict. Just another junky..
But what came first,the chicken or the egg?????