Selfish desires taking over

I feel so lost
I feel so stupid
What I have always desired has been fulfilled
Someone who loves me for who I am
Someone who knows me inside and out
And still wants to share a bed with me every night
Someone who wants to give me orgasms
And someday a baby
Someone who teaches me and comforts me
Someone who says they love me forever
And fucking means it
And friends, real friends for the first time in my life
Opportunities
Smiles, no more judgement
Loving parents, happy brother
And all I want to do is abandon, betray
Abandon everything
My old fears haunt me, and I dont believe they will ever vanish
Desires never end, we never get what we want because we never stop wanting
Beautiful, but also tragic
We will never be satisfied
We can never just be
We don’t actually want what we think we want
If I run away from my material world, I still will not escape my mind
You can never escape your mind
Only, death