I cant stop thinking about her. what could I have done different? I loved her and I let her down. The other day was the anniversary of her suicide. People tell me I couldn’t have known, but I knew something was wrong. Now i have a new girlfriend but i feel terrible. I never went to her funeral. I thought everyone would blame me. I was wrong, I am the only person who blames myself . But how can’t I. I was her boyfriend and she killed herself. I only wish it had been me instead. She was the most amazing person i knew. She always put everyone else before herself, something I try to do. She was always there for everyone. But the one time she needed somebody, everyone was busy. why didn’t she call on me. i would have done anything to save her. I sometimes think that if i could kill myself we would be together forever. But i can’t put anyone through the pain I have now. She was my everything. Now I just wish i could see her one more time. She’s gone and I’m still in love.
7 comments
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I don’t know what else to say. I don’t feel like I can comfort you. 🙁 Sometimes people are so depressed that absolutely nothing could bring them out of it. To leave you, she must have been too far gone. You didn’t cause it and you definitely couldn’t be her savior. We all have to save ourselves. Please keep staying strong.
shua,
a real Tragedy.
Hey Shua,
It is called survivor’s guilt…topped up with grief. Don’t believe me…check it out. I’m sorry that you are dealing with this pain. But she is okay now…and she is probably worried and feeling guilty about you. Can you find a way to ritually or symbolically forgive each other and begin to heal? For her sake as well as yours and your loved ones?
Just a Suggestion
Peace
Amakua
Hey Rocketman,
Did you get my e-mail?
Ama
no…………………………………..
Go to her grave and let it out I find writing a letter or in a journal to the person I lost helps also.dont bottle it up talk to your new girl about it.but finding someone new to soon might be to much to handle because you are craving a partnership but it won’t be healthy for either one of you if you are not ready to move on.please remember that moving on is never forgetting but doing what that person wants for you.as far as blaming yourself its a normal step in grieving and like amakua said survivors gilt is what seems to be present.
someday i will visit the place where my love will forever lay. but i know she is watching over me and i thank her for changing my life. i know she would want me to move on and for her i will. i will always remember her and there will always be a place in my heart for her. someday i will see her again and our souls will forever be together. thank you for reminding me that moving on is not forgetting but is simply a way to have a life.