the world says go and the grave says come.

well hello. this is my first time posting on here. here is my story.

when i was 12 years old that was the worst year i have ever experienced, in may 2010 i got ill, i was diagnosed with a disease called chronic regional pain syndrome aka crps. it started off in my left ankle but it spread into my whole left leg and then it spread to both my legs and now my hand, wrist and arm. it will still spread and i will never get away from it. i have it for the rest of my life. this disease is the worst pain illness that someone can get, its even worse than cancer, child birth, amputation and anything else you can think of. i had to stop going to school, so i lost all my friends and my education. when i started to have half days at school i started to get severely bullied. no one believed me, i was called the liar and fake because i didn’t look sick. it started to get to the point where i self harmed, i cut and burned my skin. then the suicidal feelings came on. later in 2010 in December i stayed at my friends house. i was raped by her 23 year old brother. i have never told a living soul.

I’m all alone in this, i do have my family but i cannot talk to them. i used to have professional help but i have been given up on. so i am battling for my life. i have decided on a date when i will end my life. march 22nd so i have time to plan. i have made previous attempts in the past and obviously they have failed but my next one will be success. i had my last ever Christmas and It was a good one and now that i think of it i will miss them but i can no longer go on.

i am now 15 years old and i will die at 15 years old. i do not go to a normal school, i do home schooling because of the bullying and the pain. no one understands me and i can no longer carry on living like that. i am fake, worthless, nothing, ugly, disgusting, skinny little runt, and just dead. i do not deserve life. i don’t know why i say that but to me i think i don’t deserve to live. all i know is that dead but alive and soon be dead as dead can be. no one will miss me no one will care. it is nearly my time to o and i have to make things right with y family, make sure they are okay and happy.

you probably think I’m just another worthless piece of shit. I’m sorry for wasting your time, its just a stupid post anyway. i just thought you would like to hear my story. i have been on sp for a couple of months just looking and now i have decided to sign up. all i need is someone to talk to and someone to care but i highly doubt you will talk to me or care about me. sorry for writing this. c ya.