avid mistake

I was not planned. I was premature, the size of my fathers hand. I have had 10 surgeries and I am constantly in and out of hospitals. I have 5 pending operations still to come. Most reacently they found a swollen nerve in my eye… I have seen 4 different doctors and have an appointment with the 6th and 7th doctor coming up. I have to have an mri of my brain to ensure the nerve will not burst… at this point I can say I hope it does… my father and I no longer talk my mother can not afford to help me anymore… I have one hospital bill after the next. Everyday I am slowly deteriorating from the inside out, limb by limb. Hanging on by a thread, the thread that i hope will soon snap and set me free. Let me lie down and rest, nomore pain or suffering. Im tired of suffocating breathing this thick poisoning air a prisoner of my on body… if all I could have were 5 seconds with out my body. Screaming in agony I’d take it! if all I could do were press the knife deeper, pull the rope tighter, give the trigger a tap of a life time, I would be able to breath maybe one filling breath…