I’ve cut every night since my last post. Does anyone else feel like cutting is like a drug? Something bad for you that makes you feel so much better?
I stopped for a while and then it gave me a rush again when i finally gave in…The same comfort I felt when I cut for the very first time. When I was young.
I know I should stop, I know it’s effecting things…like relationships and my job and school…It’s just so fucking hard..life is so fucking hard.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to stop?
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I completely agree with the comment about it being like a drug. Its an addiction. The first time I cut, I couldn’t stop. I just kept making patterns in blood ink.
And just like drugs, there are triggers.
When somebody says a certain word or phrase, or if I hear song, or read a book… Sometimes I just get this sudden urge to cut.
I haven’t stopped cutting, but an idea is that I need to figure out what my triggers are.
I need to face it.
I know that one of my triggers is silence.
In order to overcome it, I must face silence and resist the temptation to cut.
That’s what I’ve been trying to do lately.
Silence is my trigger too…nighttime..the word love…roses..and rain.
There are more, but those are the main ones.
Resisting the temptation is so hard though. I did it, but only with the help of friends, and now I have none and I let everything build up..I’m hopeless.
Being honest, I haven’t even tried to face my triggers. I’ve been able to figure out that silence is the most obvious… Because I can’t go anywhere without my headphones in. My friend commented on it once… She was looking through my iPod, and saw that I had over 4000 songs on it.
I said that I’m still missing a few albums.
She asked me how it could be possible to want more with all I have.
I started thinking about it, and I came to this.
I get bored with music I have because I listen to it do much.
Music is my escape from silence. I’m always running from the quiet.
Yesterday I tried to not turn on my iPod all day.
I woke up at 8am. But I only lasted an hour before I had to hear something. I can’t sleep without my headphones blaring.
I have two options.
Cut.
Listen.
My parents took my iPod away for a week a year or so ago. I have never cut so much in my life.
I’m quite literally scared to death of silence.
@Rain Alicia,
If you really want to stop, and you know that deep in your heart, you can do it! Maybe The Butterfly Project works for u, it’s for cutters who want to stop, a little support. Google for it and you know the rules and how it works. I think it might work for you, so please try.
Really? Thanks for that, really. I dont know why I havent googled it yet. I keep forgetting there are others like me
Yes, really. You know, I will put the rules and how it works right here, so you don’t have to google and other people can read it.
The Butterfly Project
The Rules:
1. When you feel like you want to cut, take a marker, pen, or sharpies and draw a butterfly on the place you want to cut.
2. Name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better. (You can also draw that name by the butterfly)
3. You must let the butterfly fade naturally. NO scrubbing it off.
4. If you cut before the butterfly is gone, you’ve killed it. If you dont cut, it lives.
5. If you have more than one butterfly, cutting kills all of them.
6. Another person may draw them on you. These butterflies are extra special. Take good care of them.
7. Even if you don’t cut, feel free to draw a butterfly anyways, to show your support. If you do this, name it after someone you know that cuts or is suffering right now, and tell them. It could help.
If you want to make it harder, you can draw a caterpillar and when that fades a cocoon and if that fade away a butterfly.
Just give it a try, maybe it will help you 🙂