welll. this has been one of the worst weekends ever. and to think that its my bday weekend. everything was awesome starting friday after my mommy picked me up from school. it all went downhill on saturday afternoon after i didnt want to do the dishes and then after that refused to go to my room. just over those 2 stupid reasons i blew up and told my mom that i wanted her to die. it was the third time in 10 days. i really don’t wish that she was dead. maybe i wish i didn’t have her as a mother but since i do, i love her to death. i just blow up so easily. my mom and i have never ever had a good relationship… but everything turned from bad to worse when i found out she was a lesbian. i couldn’t believe it. and i still don’t want to believe it today. i have been to seven schools in 5 years because of all of the moving back and forth between my mom and dad. finally i was kicked out of my dads for good and without question my mom came and got me even with her living 9 hours away from me. just like that she took me back into her home even with the past history of how bad we’ve fought. things get so heated sometimes. she just doesn’t understand me and i don’t understand her. i recently got my appendix out and this is weird to say but it was the best time i’ve had in a while. my mom spent soooooo much time with me and slept with me and everything. i hadn’t gotten that kind of attention from her in forever, because every freaking second goes into her damn girlfriend. after this mishap this weekend she said that she needs time without me. all i need is her love why doesn’t she understand that. i just want a normal relationship with my mom… because i love her so much. i’ve thought about suicide so many times because i feel like it’s the only thing i could do to hurt her as much as she hurts me. but what if it doesn’t? then my life is over and she has moved on and i’m just gone. tonight was the second time i’ve cut myself. i want her to know that this is what i’ve had to come to just because i can’t take the emotional pain i have to do it physically. but i’m afraid she’s just gonna take me to some mental ward. so for now it’s our little secret. Â well happy birthday to me….
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Happy Birthday, Greener
We all wish you the best on your Birthday. Mine was in December, I ate alone and saw a movie.
maybe you should write her a letter, just lije thus one telling her how much you need her and love her. it sounds like she loves you if she spent every moment next to you when you were in the hospital. communication! no yelling but talking and expressing your feelings. try it you might be surprised. what do you have to lose?
i have tried and tried again to tell her these things. she tells me that i mistake love and need for control of her. i wish that i did have the ability to just have a normal, calm conversation with her but neither of us are capable. we’re so the same but so different. in the aspect that we both get very angry very easily especially with each other. i appreciate your advice though. 🙂
First of all Happy (well as happy as it can be) Birthday! second I am in the same situation except my mom is addicted to drinking and smoking. But it causes the same problems. I was never close with my mom either, but once she almost broke her ribs after collapsing wasted. I am scared to death she is gonna hurt herself bad. I cut myself as well, but I am getting better….I think. At least on here you have people who can relate.