How could I even describe how much i hate living?

I’ve been on this site many times before…Reading this blog is like reading the Bible to me. It’s refreshing to be able to read all the honest feelings in these posts. I am not happy to read about how so many of us are suffering, but at the same time, it’s nice to know that I am not alone in how I feel at times…Well most of the time. I wish that I could accurately describe how fucked up my life is…It really is exceptionally miserable. I’ve spent the majority of my life with depression and anxiety…But I always had hope for the the future..Hope for something better. I had hope for a soulmate or an afterlife or God…But now I have hope for nothing but death. I don’t see the point of living at all, except maybe to save my parents from having to deal with my death. I always think that I should just wait until they die to finally do what I’ve wanted to do for ages. I don’t know why I keep waking up every single day, even though I don’t want to. I am lonely as hell, but it’s my own damn fault because I hate most people, so I isolate..I also don’t trust people at all, but even if I did trust them, I still wouldn’t want to live. I don’t see the point in it at all…I didn’t ask to be born, to be conscious…but here I am..Awake, alive, and conscious…and miserable. I’ve had much love in my life…so many things that people would consider to be a reason for living, but it doesn’t mean much to me..It all seems to empty..so pointless…I do have a crush on this girl, but she will never notice me or want to be with me…and even if she did, it would only serve to entertain me for a bit until the end…I didn’t think that I could feel this empty and dark….but it’s possible. I’m not sure that anyone feels as empty and cold as I do…but if you do, then I’m sorry that you have to feel this way too. Maybe it will all be over soon.