So.. Hi. This is my first post.
I’m not really sure what to say? But I guess how i feel or what not.
Depressed, Confused, and Alone.
My 3 best friends, who won’t dare to leave me, Like everyone else did.
I’ve been cutting for almost 7 years.
I don’t know what to do,
I don’t know how to stop.
Or if i can.
I’ve been hospitalized many times.
Inpatient- Outpatient.
Put on meds,
Put on more meds.
and nothing seems to work.
I keep telling myself that i will eventually grow out of it.
But will I?
Once i’m dead, maybe.
I’ve been thinking a lot about suicide often, more then I should or normally do.
How easy, and how tempting it is.
I know i would hurt my mom
Even girlfriend.
But iI also know that it’s life.
And they will move on, and think of me every now and then.
But maybe me dying would be something good thats happen to my family.
I just.. i don’t know, I guess the only think that’s stopping me is the fear of waking up in the hospital.. again.
The fear of being a failure,
At the only thing that would make me feel happy.
Forever happy.
Because i’d be Forever gone.
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2 comments
Silentscreamsxx,
Try to find a way to deal with all of it and to accept who you are and that you kust have those things. I know it’s very hard and difficult, and it will also take a long time, but suicide isn’t always a solution for problems. Just try to find out who you are and what you need to go further. Try a lot of different manners and I know onevday you will find the perfect way to cope and deal with it al. Please don’t reject this idea, but at least think about it… You can do this!<3
maybe the reason why you have woken up in the hospital before instead of in front of those pearly gates is because you have a purpose and your purpose isnt served yet. i believe everyone on this earth is on it for a reason, and once their purpose is served, they may pass. you havent passed yet because you havent served your purpose.
and youre right how you would hurt your girlfriend and mother, but you are wrong how they will get over it and move on. your mother carried you for months, went through labor, and took care of you. she will not only be hurt that you hurt yourself and she will never see you again, but she will also wonder what went wrong, and what she could have done to stopped you. and this will haunt her the rest of her life. this part goes for your girlfriend as well. trust me on this, i have seen it before. death brings out the worst in people.