I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

I’ve wanted to die for awhile but i’ve always been afraid of suicide. The thought of what i’d leave behind… I always worried about other people… what they would think, if they would blame themselves, and if I would in turn ruin their lives. I thought of it as selfish, but that didn’t stop the undying want i had to give up, to surrender.

But today, in the hour and a half i spent crying over all my problems and all my feelings, i decided im not afraid. I’m exhausted, worn out, tired… call it what you will but i’m just done… my sorrow has engulfed me and i’m scared i can’t get out of it.

i’m just scared… the one thing i wanted but was afraid of is now the thing i’m not afraid of… there’s only one thing stopping me.