I’m sick. Can’t stop coughing. Hoping I might die in my sleep. Not sure if anything is real. I’m ready to die. I know I am. But I’m scared. For what reason I don’t know. Of the pain maybe. The love of my life is oblivious to me. He doesn’t even care. I’ve posted things on Facebook, pictures describing how I feel, directing them to him. Even though I have always been there for him. He doesn’t care. He pretends to. But if i died today. He wouldn’t care. I’ve been waiting. Singing my songs forever. But its just a game. Let the games begin. Don’t cave in? He doesn’t know the effect he can have! It’s not fair! I want to stop. To stop dancing. My only way out is dance. But I want to stop. Dancing. Singing. Breathing. Living. I’m ready to die. Be THE girl on fire, to no longer be A girl on fire, A peice in their games, A nother under control. I want to start the uprising. Be THE girl on fire. THE game maker. THE controller. I’m ready to die. To start THE spark . I’m ready to die. But I’m so scared. I wish someone would help me do it. I’m ready. Ready. Set. Go. I will do. Ready. Set. Go. I will say. Ready. Set. Go. I’m ready. Im not that happy girl at school, the crazy fun one. If only they really knew me. Ready. Set. Go. I’m ready. Ready. Set. Go. Ready. Set. Go. Ready. Set. Die.
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I know how you feel, in a way. You love somebody, but you cannot be with them. The love of my life died, and I want to be with him so bad, so I know it hurts. You deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves to have a chance at having happiness. Although, if you die, you don’t have someone waiting for you, like I do. There is no rush for you. I can see that you want to love someone, that seems to be the reason you want to do this. I might just say, why don’t you give a try to find someone else in this life? Do you really love this person? Because you cannot be with him, do you really think death is how to do it? Maybe you will find the perfect person in this life. Maybe. I tried to kill myself, a long time ago. Before I met my true love. If I had succeeded, I wouldn’t have met him. Maybe he would have been with someone else. Why don’t you try to live for a bit longer, see if there is something, or somebody worth it out there. And why not? You have no rush. Nobody waiting. Try to live. Maybe you’ll find someone who cares, unlike this person. He doesn’t care, he doesn’t deserve you. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll find the person who makes you feel the THE girl on fire. THE game maker. THE controller. Maybe you’ll find THE spark with someone, in this life. Maybe. But you won’t know unless you try.
I can see you want to feel special. I can see this person makes you feel worthless, and deserving of death. I can also see, that you might find someone who makes you feel deserving of life. Makes you feel special. You’ve got nothing to lose in waiting.
I hope you find what you want, whichever decision you make.
-IcelandicWolfie