Lately, I noticed that when people compliment me for good jobs I did or for how well I look, my response is rather non-eventful, not even a “thank you” or “I appreciate it”..
It is like my mind responds with either “mm…okay” or “mm sure” And I did not continue or dwell any further on that subject. The person who complimented me also noticed my non-response, so the subject was rather short-lived. I realize that I acted like a jackass and send them a signal not to compliment me anymore. Maybe I truly don’t care or maybe I stopped feeling.
But the truth is.. Do I like people compliment me? Yeah I think so..but then whenever they do, I just feel like they make too much of a big deal, and anything I do is just too insignificant no matter how good it is. Same goes to my birthdate. I have gone to the point where I don’t feel anything anymore for my birthdate…so I don’t even care if I celebrate it. Plus, there is no one that I really care for them to remember my birthdate.
So yeah in a way, I currently under-value my myself, but then, I think that when you have depression, you become too numb to everything. It may be some really good news, but to a depressed person, these news/events/stimuli just does not have the same amount of effect. Same goes to really bad news too. I just get really non-responsive to a lot of things. It is almost like their outcome have no impact on me. I still maintain a sense of right from wrong, but it is just too hard for me to feel anything at all.
Like all things, I am going through phases, maybe weeks from now, my response will change. Eventually, I will most likely apologize.
Any good/bad feedback are welcome. Just don’t tell me to kill myself 🙂
6 comments
Well, I may hope nobody will ever tell you that you have to kill yourself on this site. Because this is a site to help people NOT commit suicide instead of telling them to die. Good advice, hmm, go to a therapist 😉 and take therapy and also go find out if you have a depression by making tests and talking to a therapist. Good luck!!!
I do the same thing. I can’t take compliments, I usually reply by undermining the compliment, which is just plain rude. I’m slowly learning to be more gracious.
I figured out that it comes back to childhood. I never got complimented as a child, or it would be a backhanded compliment. I was mostly criticised. If other people complimented me, my mother would negate the compliment. Eg:
Parents friend – “Your daughter is so clever/pretty!”
My mother – “not as clever as such and such/not as pretty as I was”
Hence, now if I get complimented, I subconsciously look for the knife buried in it. Can’t help it, that’s how I was brought up. I’m trying to get better about it, but you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself about this. You’re only human.
@Engeltje, I have seen a therapist in the past. In one of my earlier posts, I briefly mentioned that she told me in her professional opinion, no drugs in the world can fix my problem, because the problem lies within my logic/thought process etc. She did diagnose me with general depression, however (not sure what that really means.. I guess it just means it is a general type of depression, nothing special). As for “just don’t tell me to kill myself,” I was actually being sarcastic 🙂 If someone told me to off myself…f that person for sure
@one_day my mother used to be like that, but over the years, she tries to reconnect with me, but she still doesn’t quite know me. There are thoughts/actions/beliefs that I share with her because of the belief system that I was taught and brought up with. But then, there are also huge gaps ever since I was a senior in high school, and then left home for college. It kinda just grows more and more apart. Anyway, I guess, part of me, do not value any compliment from people that are supposed to be close to me. For example, I don’t value compliments from my parents. Perhaps, it is because I fear that if I get used to their compliment, I may set myself for higher expectations from them, and thus, less opportunity to mess up or f up. Or maybe because they truly don’t know me well enough for me to truly appreciate their compliments. They think they know me because they nourished me since birth, but maybe it is still not enough.
I can plunder stand pretty much all of that.
I will say though, if you try to start accepting and believing the compliments, it does a world of good for your confidence. I understand not wanting to set yourself up for high expectations, but its also not great to run yourself I to the ground…
@one_day, points taken. appreciated.
@otherworldliness,
She was right, no medication will ever fix your problems. But it may help you to fix your problens. Go search for another therapist, and if he won’t listen, search for another. There are many therapist, but only a few are really good. Search for one of those good ones. Try to be less hard for yourself, say every day one thing you did good that day or you are good in. I hope you’ll be okay soon… <3