Lately, I noticed that when people compliment me for good jobs I did or for how well I look, my response is rather non-eventful, not even a “thank you” or “I appreciate it”..
It is like my mind responds with either “mm…okay” or “mm sure” And I did not continue or dwell any further on that subject. The person who complimented me also noticed my non-response, so the subject was rather short-lived. I realize that I acted like a jackass and send them a signal not to compliment me anymore. Maybe I truly don’t care or maybe I stopped feeling.
But the truth is.. Do I like people compliment me? Yeah I think so..but then whenever they do, I just feel like they make too much of a big deal, and anything I do is just too insignificant no matter how good it is. Same goes to my birthdate. I have gone to the point where I don’t feel anything anymore for my birthdate…so I don’t even care if I celebrate it. Plus, there is no one that I really care for them to remember my birthdate.
So yeah in a way, I currently under-value my myself, but then, I think that when you have depression, you become too numb to everything. It may be some really good news, but to a depressed person, these news/events/stimuli just does not have the same amount of effect. Same goes to really bad news too. I just get really non-responsive to a lot of things. It is almost like their outcome have no impact on me. I still maintain a sense of right from wrong, but it is just too hard for me to feel anything at all.
Like all things, I am going through phases, maybe weeks from now, my response will change. Eventually, I will most likely apologize.
Any good/bad feedback are welcome. Just don’t tell me to kill myself 🙂