Worried that if I tell him how I really feel he’ll commit me again. Not that he’s ever committed me before, but he came really close once. I spent a couple weeks in a hospital end of last year. I think some people at work figured it out, but only my manager seriously questioned me. I don’t trust her, so I only told HR what I needed to and nothing more. Definitely not the attempt.
So, for work’s sake at the very least, I want to stay out, even though I think I hate my job. Although, I’m not entirely sure it’s my job I hate. I think I have this constant loathing for everything. I’m drowsy all the time. All I can think about for weeks at a time is death and sex. I think stress makes me hypersexual. I mean, I want to do it, like, non-stop, which bothers my girlfriend who tends to only want to do it a few times a week. Maybe it’s not stress. Maybe that’s just the way I am, I don’t know.
Apart from that, I spend pretty much my whole day thinking about killing myself. I think if I had a shotgun, I’d put the barrel in my mouth and blow my brains out, but I don’t think someone with my history can get a gun license. I sure hope not. Otherwise, this country is fucked up.
Anyway, I probably should be in hospital. It might even be better if I were, but I don’t want to take more medical leave. At the same time, it’s apparent that I have a problem that needs to be fixed. Do you think I should just make it sounds better than it is to avoid getting hospitalised, but make it clear that things could still be better?
6 comments
I think you should be honest with your psych. They are there to help you…
to be honest you do not need a license for a gun you only have to have it registered in the states. i dont know where you live nore do i need to know. i personally think if you love your girlfriend stop thinking like that i know it is harder then just being said then done believe me but think of the way it is making her feel the fact that she is with you still tells me that she loves you a lot when i started to get stressed and depressed mine left me which left to me attempting to take my life. dont get me wrong i still am taking it just the right way this time for good with no witness’s the country is fucked up because of the majority and ignorance which i why im taking mine. but at least you have someone to hold at night and to love and who more in likely loves you if trying to make her happy does not make you happy i dont know what will. the only thing that ever made me happy was seeing her smile. if you want to talk more you can email me at pauldgray1988@gmail.com
I’m in Australia. Gun laws here are pretty strict. Since there was this massacre in Tasmania around 15 years ago in which more than 30 people died, the gun laws tightened up like crazy. There hasn’t been a significant shooting massacre since. Not like in the states, though I heard that after the recent school massacre there in which 26 people died, gun laws will probably tighten up a lot there too.
You’re right about my girlfriend. I put her through a lot. I can’t even imagine how it must have felt to have someone you love try to kill themselves twice, but she stuck with me, which makes her a whole lot less shallow than most of my other friends. But, I still somehow expect her to hurt me in the future.
You were born in 1988? That makes you the same age as me. Why do you feel you need to die?
And sure, hit me up with an email, I’ll send you my email address.
I like this answer.
At least you have a girlfriend to have sex with.
Um my doc nearly sent me to hospital a couple of times so I know the feeling. Maybe just exagerate things a little, but psychs are pretty smart so in the end it’s probably better to be fairly honest but emphasise that things will get better so if you could have a chance you shouldn’t have to be hospitalised? Just make it clear to your psych that even if he could admit you, you don’t need him to do that, if he’d give you this one chance or something.