I think what should disturb me most is that the thought of killing myself has ceased to disturb me.
It doesn’t.
It’s gone through my head so many times, with minimal variation. Go to the top of my apartment building and sit on the edge for a while, taking in the world.
And then push off.
Contemplating that scenario, perversely, calms me.
2 comments
I feel like that too — I was disturbed at first and pushed the thoughts away, but then found that they had a calming effect when the pain of life is overwhelming, so thinking about it and plotting it is like a strange coping mechanism. And I’m used to it now so it feels normal and acceptable.
Yep! Definitely!