My entire life is built on escaping the past. But somehow people feel the need to dig it up and throw it in my face.
The one person who had a snail’s chance in hell of stopping my suicide is out of my life. Why? Because she dug up something I did 20 years ago, practically before she was born, and she threw it in my face. I’m so sick of being judged by people. Nobody knows what really happened, and I’m long past it. So I thought.
I will say this til my dying day (which just got closer), there is no such thing as unconditional love between humans. There’s always something that can kill love in a heartbeat because humans are emotionally fickle and fragile. You want unconditional love on this planet, get a dog.
4 comments
I have that same problem, cyanidesofmarch just pretend as if they are not real. and i swear to you that it will pass. no matter how hard the task may be i promise that it will pass.
Thanks Aftershock. I guess that’s what I’m trying to do, only I’m using pills to help me along. I’ve found a handful of sleeping pills puts me in a state where nothing seems real (although everything still hurts). My mind is too weak to do it without chemicals. I wish I could go to sleep for 20 more years. But who am I kidding, they’d still remember who I am
Wow… Couldn’t agree any more with this post….
I won’t say much , I’ll just break down and cry .
I hope you find a way to move on with this situation..
Life is unfair.. People are unfair…
It sucks…. I have forgotten what the feeling of company is even like, I’m alone all the time remicinscing about my past which is what kills me everyday .
Sorry this isn’t helping ..
Sounds like you really haven’t move “past” the event/issue … more like a lot of time has elapsed since that time – but you’re still carrying it with you, letting it effect you and dictate your choices.
you should consider finding a way to resolve the thing once and for all – forgive yourself and consider the debt paid, the punishment complete – but as it stands it’s clearly still an open wound that can easily be irritated at the slightest touch or mention.
That said – i agree, if someone wants to predominantly define you by decades old events then there is no place for them in your life – but you do have to embrace and resolve that event so when someone asks or questions regarding it you basically dismiss it as ancient history and move on.
i’m interested in which pills you take to make you feel that way – email me if you want but don’t post it here.
and yes, dogs rock 😉
4 times the love dawg