this is messing with my thought process. The endless cycle of bad, then good, then worse.. I dont like making decisions that i know will hurt my other relationships, like with my friends. After 6 days on break, where i was out of energy to really think about anything, and have everyone repeatedly tell me that hes not worth it, hes a fat, ugly guy who cant be a athlete, etc. He decides he wants to be with me. I felt instantly better because this kid has changed me in ways i dont understand. I really want to explain this to my friends, but they are too busy judging me and being rude to me.
He tells me that i dont need to change because im fine the way i am, but i dont like me, inside and out. Yes, i might not be cutting, but im still depressed. i dont know if this is goin to last, thats why im not giving my all im scared of being rejected like with all the other people in my life. Being me, i havent let him know that even though i know its something i should share.
anyway, that is whats been going through my mind, and i just wish life would let me either be happy or be depressed, not both and screw up everything i have built up so far.