I can’t believe this is where I end up.
This shouldn’t be how I live – or better yet, how I don’t live.
Wasted opportunities, fake smiles, I’m getting too good at pretending.
I’m sick of this all. I’m so fucking sick of this all.
No one even cares.
I just want to curl up and die. Why can’t I?
Everything is just so dark and wrong. Why can’t I just die?
And my sleeping pills don’t even work anymore, last week I’d sleep 16hours a day, now I’m sleeping about 4hours. I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted from having to pretend that I’m alive.
29 comments
i feel u man other then the sleep part but still i know where u r right now with life…sadly enough there is atleast one person who cares i dont know is ur a catholic or christian see i am christian and i know god cares even though it feel like he doesnt but look past that shit man
You can’t just “look past that shit”. Things don’t work that way. But thank you for the words.
I can really realate to that, the feeling of never waking up and dreaming forever.
There’s someone out there who cares, you just haven’t met him
Randell, thing is – People say they care. And you believe them. But, surprise surprise, actions speak louder than words. And that’s when you realize that they don’t.
maybe you’re asking the wrong people?
They are supposed to be the right people.. :\
I have a question, if someone dies where do they go?
do you think there’s an afterlife?
That’s an awesome question actually.
I don’t know.
Why can’t it be like each person would want?
If someone would want to go back to earth, they would; if someone would want to face heaven/hell, they would; if someone would want to become a guardian angel for someone they love, they would; or if someone would rather just swim in a dark peaceful nothingness, they would.
I like to think that we can do whatever we want.
Seems only fair, right?
Yes, I wish tha’ts the case.
BTW, are you bipolar?
I saw your other comments on the dashboard, and it seems like you have conflicting thoughts
Nop, not bipolar lol.
I know I’m meant to be gone sometime soon (unfortunatelly I’ll have to wait a little bit longer), but that doesn’t mean other people have to give up as well.
I’ve accepted the fact that I’m broken.
It’s more like : “Do as I tell you, not as I do.”
If that makes any sense.
maybe you should try to fix what you’re telling me is broken
there’s still a lot out there for you
Even if there was, I’m too weak to get up and get it.
This is not a recent thing, this has been going on for years.
Only now I’m exhausted.
It’s okey.
I don’t need saving. I’ll be better off once I’m gone.
If that’s so, I guess I’ll just see you in the afterlife then 🙂
Guess so lol.
Hope you are able to hold on a little bit longer tho
No, I’ve already accepted that I’m not meant to live in this world anymore
Too many heartaches and pain and misfortune
Eh, fuck heartaches. It’s not worth it. But then again, nothing is really worth it anymore lol
damn right
At least try to enjoy the days you have left. Be crazy. Be wild. Don’t give a fuck. Yupii
what’s the point of killing yourself if you still want to have fun
I can’t have fun anymore lol. I don’t enjoy stuff anymore.
I was saying it for you. I don’t know.
The only thing that gives me some kind of thrill is walking in the streets at night alone, hoping that something bad will happen. I’m weird, I know.
If you don’t mind, may I ask what’s holding you back?
My mom. So I’m trying to hold on till she’s gone, it’s just getting really hard.
Then I guess you’ll have to wait longer 🙂
good for you
Good for me? Not really.
And what is holding you back?
I’m still searching for a painless and easy method, so just in case it fails, I’m not gonna screw up anything
Let me know when you find one, yeh? I’d like to know as well.
Listen I should try and sleep a little bit, soon it will be 9am and I won’t fall asleep with the laptop on.
But I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need to talk, I’m here 🙂
ok
Hazelleys, when I’m having a hard time falling asleep, I just take a little red wine and it makes me really sleepy. I’ve tried sleeping pills before, but they don’t work well and they’re full of chemicals.
Alcohol doesn’t make me sleepy..
I have my appointment with a psychologist tomorrow (that works together w a psychiatrist) concerning my lack of concentration, cus I want to get some adderal or ritalin, and I was thinking of bringing up my sleeping problems. Maybe they will give me something that will finally make me be able to sleep. I don’t know if I should bring up the whole depression thing.. We’ll see how it goes. My main concern is to get the medication to be able to study, cus I really can’t on my own.