Iâ€™m saving myself the time of writing my entire story. Itâ€™s a long one. The change in my life the loss only just happening 1 year ago this month. Iâ€™ve posted my story here once before, it was about half way through. While things have continually gotten much worse since I havenâ€™t been this concerned with how things are going to play out. Iâ€™m at the end of having any real choice on how I leave. Iâ€™m about ready to just drink as much antifreeze as possible. Iâ€™m scared honestly to live and scared to feel any more pain. The antifreeze while painful I wouldnâ€™t be able to reverse it once far enough. But what scares me more is how many times I should have died this past year. I donâ€™t want to believe that Iâ€™m meant to live if thatâ€™s the case. Who would want to live this life thatâ€™s left for me. While yes things started over a girl whom has done everything in her power to ruin my life, legally and emotionally. It just makes it harder. Iâ€™ve had an amazing last 5 years, found true love in my heart, found what life is about, found what it means to be dedicated and devoted to someone, and just simply saw that the world is an amazing and beautiful place. But with knowing this Iâ€™m so beaten and broken to do this anymore. Iâ€™m so alone emotionally, and physically after living with a significant other for 4 years I miss being hugged. Iâ€™ve tried so many things over this year to help myself. But now Iâ€™ve really gone too far. Iâ€™ve been off and on the streets and continue to do things that make me hate myself to get by. I am not a good person when my entire adult life Iâ€™ve always tried to treat everyone with respect and always do the right thing. I just don’t know how to get things on the track I want or need them to be on. I still would do anything for the life I was supposed to have but that’s not within my reach anymore. I just wish there was an easier solution, I want nothing more to just be happy and content again to have a simple life. I don’t want this to be my ending.