Frost

There’s no other site like this one in the internet world that I’ve seen, and that I actually like. My relationship with this place is more of a love/hate relationship. I’ve been here many times in the past, the last time ending in an apocalyptic fashion, as I would have described it then. Those days were godless, drama filled, and just black.

So I guess I’m here again not to prove some sort of point like before, but to try and be more creative through poems, short stories, and my descriptions of events, people, and my own self. I don’t expect advice from anyone. To be honest, I’d rather not have it. I’m hard-headed as can be, and would like to be left alone most of the time. But if anyone has any comments on anything I say, go ahead and post it. I like meeting new people, and it may sound like I’m contradicting myself right now. I’m up and down most of time, just so you know.

I’m not really suicidal, but I get depressed a lot. I was prescribed Prozac a little while back, but quit taking it after about a month of getting it. I don’t like the idea of taking meds to help control yourself. It might work for others, but like I said, I’m hard headed. I like to do things on my own, which I will admit has gotten me into trouble in the past. I guess you can’t teach an old dog new tricks all the time.

I’m pretty mellow, but I have my freak out moments. I love music. Seriously, it’s my life. My dad plays a lot of instruments, but he is more into bluegrass than any other genre. Banjo, guitar, mandolin, fiddle..all of that stuff. I like everything. Bluegrass, classical, jazz, heavy metal, indie rock, pop, rap, Middle East music, Japanese and Thai tunes, techno/electro, and a few others that can’t really be placed into a genre. Silence is almost equal to death for me.

I don’t have much of a social life besides on the internet, which might sound a little more than pathetic to some of you. It’s just how it is. People tend to depress me a lot, so I try to avoid them as much as possible.

My past is really nothing to rant and rave about anymore, because it’s my past and the things that were happening then are no longer happening, which is a very good thing. I learned a lot from my past, and I have most of the events and people tucked away in little files that I will pull out sometimes if I’m in a rut that I’m not sure what to do in. I try to let my past be an advantage and benefit to me now instead of a burden and something that will kill me. It was rough like everything in this world is, but hey, it’s a struggle I’m glad I went through.

I’m single, and I’m a female if anyone was curious. I’m not looking for a mate over the internet, because from past experience, those types of relationships tend to suck. I like being in a relationship with someone I like, of course. But I can be selfish sometimes, and my relationships have never went too far nor too good. I’m good at listening, responding, loving, helping, and just being there for my mate, but it seems they aren’t like that with me. Maybe I’m not old enough to be in a real relationship, and maybe it’s the same for the opposite sex. I would like a real relationship though, which I’m sure every one wants sometime in their life.

I love nature. My dream is to one day get a canoe, put it in the river, and lay down in the canoe and just float. I’d probably bring a lantern, blankets, an mp3 player, and of course, some food and water with me. Time or destination wouldn’t be an object if I were to do that  some day. I just want to float and discover new places.

Dancing is the one biggest thing that makes me feel alive. No sort of drugs, love, or sound can make me feel the way dancing does. It’s an expression of your feelings, and it’s also a workout. For example, it can be used as some sort of ritual to attract the opposite sex, which we see a lot in movies, music videos, and even real life. This type of dance is the most fun for me. It’s like you’re on the hunt, and you’re in control of what you make your prey see and feel.

I smoke cigarettes, possibly too many. I am not a picky eater, and I don’t have a favorite food. I like all of it. I try to be as healthy as possible, but I fail at achieving that goal quite a bit. I like to learn, but I get frustrated and impatient pretty quickly. I believe in the zodiac, but not totally. I’m a Cancer, and give a ‘hell yea’ to all of you Cancers out there. We’re pretty awesome, I believe.

But anyways, I’m just a human here looking for something or someone to make things easier for me during my time on Earth. Hope to hear from some of you soon.