My story isn’t much,its not as deep as people who have been abused or raped once or many more times though I have experienced some things very similar,I know its tough and scary.
Unlike many I still have my family. They don’t hurt me physically but sometimes mentally/emotionally. Always being angry at the small things I do. Complaining at everything I do and also costantly repeating what one says is too overwhelming when I’m stuck with it for all of my life so far. Not for too long but 4 more years or even longer seems way too much.
I’ve wanted to die since I was 12. People think that its just little kiddie stuff.
I’m not too different from other suicidal teens.
I lied to my counselor when she asked (twice) because I really had no reason. Well at first I was in fear of losing a close friend but now its nothing.
I shouldn’t want to die,really. I shouldn’t. People say I have a long life to live I have so much “Why want to die?”
I don’t know I just do. Whether or not I want to stop so far I’ve been stuck with it. There really isn’t anything someone could say to stop it.
Only thing is to really show you care. All I need to do is really find it.
I really want to know that the people I care of most,really care about me. My overthinking really disturbs that and I can’t take words very seriously.
Though I don’t seem to care for my family as much as I should. When I’ve been told “they are all you got” I think of the people that I know who have been abandoned,abused,raped or anything more from their family. “All you got” Huh?! REALLY. ARE YOU SERIOUS? People hurt you and “they’re all you got”
I also take lots of stupid things to heart. Not on purpose,just accident. I want to stop that. From being told “just go die,no one likes you” is pretty low.
I can’t stop the thought of someone actually breaking down and/or crying for me. Someone caring for me is really big,crying infront of me makes me attached and feel a lot better around them. I just can’t stop thinking about my bf crying over my death..I really want him to care I mean I know he does its just so conflicting.
I’m really iffy about death.
I get sad when I hear these stories about suicide.
Not so much to regular simple deaths.
When I think of death general,”people….die. Theres not much you can do about it” I’ve been considered “cold hearted” and other things.
I really don’t mean it that way but I’m serious. I’m being Real.
I want to die but I don’t know. A while ago I was in fear of hurting my friends. Though I still don’t want to, I don’t have that fear. I’m afraid of hurting the person I care most about, My Bf. If I were to kill myself,I’d affect him greatly.
Hes already lost so many friends. He was abandoned at age 2. Hes been raped by others and foster family members, his foster family torments him about his past. Some of his friends have killed themselves before. Hes been devastated. I’m really conflicted though.
I have a large fear of losing him. I want to die first. Before my friends and bf. I don’t want to witness death like that. Really I can’t grab onto much of caring for my family unless more for my mother,father,and sister though they make more of my life terrible.
Nerves in my hand tell me to stop thinking about death. It also makes me want to cut off my hand. Also nerves in my neck tell me to cut.Bleed to death.
I just think my problems may go away when I really get to be with my bf more. Im not suppose to date until I’m 18. I’m in a long distance relationship for 10 months. Its going well I’m just overthinking way too much and it brings up so many conflicts with myself. I’m trying to get $643 to see my bf next year at a con i go to. Paying for most of his stay and transportation If i do all I’m trying it may only come to $318. Its gonna be work but It’ll shorten my wait and less of a wait I feel I’ll be happier. Maybe he can really help me with my problem. Like my friend said, I need someone to really care for me. They don’t have to be gf/bf but someone who really cares and shows it. I think once I’m with the person who makes me the happiest, I can get this problem over with before its too late.
I’m trying not to burst my “bubble” though. I almost did a few times either from freaking out or being too frustrated with everything. Even the small things built it up.