Every where i go i feel embarassed and like im being judged and im probly not but i believe it. My sister always yells at me and gets mad at me for no reason and i have to blow it off cause i get in trouble if i yell back cause shes older. If i go to church then the girls there think i wear to much makeup and think i wear low tank tops. I try and make everybody happy but its like i can never be happy cause im making everybody else happy. Everyday i fight myself when i want to cry and i never let people see me cry. Every time people ask me how i feel i say im tired or im fine. Im sick of lying to everyday but i cant hurt them with the truth cause my sister already has enough problems that she talks about everyday. I want to talk to people and be honest and it seems like i can only do that on here. I cut the worst i have yesterday and i didn’t even feel it, its like im numb to the pain. So i cut harder and it was still numb. I miss 1st grad when i had a best friend who i told everything to and i miss when i could just ignore the bullying and where what i want and not care what anybody thought of me. I miss when i friended a girl who bullied me and who turned out to be my best friend. Both of those friend recently have tried to commit suicide and i wanna commit suicide but cant do it for some reason. I used to dream about being fourteen and im turning fourteen on Sunday and when we would pretend to be fourteen i was happy and had friends and loved life and now i hate myself, not happy, no friends and hate life. If i could i would commit suicide. I got to the point of putting the pills in my hand and tying a rope around my head but i couldn’t do it. i wish icould and just be happy in heaven or in hell whichever i dont care. i just want to be happy and i know its my choice to be happy but its hard to forget everything, the nightmares, the horrible words and the scars.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
3 comments
U have to do whatever you like without carrying what others think, that is what I teach my little sister that is 15 y/o and she is going very good with many friends, her grades are excellent and she is not even embarrased to dance in the bus because she doesn’t care and laughs and fun with friends are the best cure. And this is from personal experience , the best think is to not give a fuck what others think except your parents ofcourse… Listen to what your sister has to tell you , but if she starts to yell and stuff, tell her that you have your own problems to think about and that she is behaving childish…
:'( My sister’s younger than me. Less then half my age. But other than that, that’s what my house is like, too.
When I was your age someone older told me that all of the things I worried about would eventually become unimportant. I didn’t believe them because they were old and stupid and no one could have possibly understood or experienced what I was going through. As it turned out, they were absolutely spot on.