I can’t do it anymore.
I don’t see a future for myself like I used to, it never used to be like this. Everything in the last few months has completely destroyed me, I tried to end it and failed. People only want to know if it clears their conscience.
All my life, I’ve had people walk all over me. I’ve been bullied at every school I’ve been to, I’m constantly reminded about how worthless and useless I am by my family, and now I have no one at all to fall back on. I’m sick of this feeling, like I’m just here, existing because people feel sorry for me. I’m sick of being walked all over on, and it’s not as easy as everyone makes out. We’re all just expected to get on with life, to grow up, get a job, start a family, pass every exam like it’s nothing. And yes, maybe I might sound like an angsty teenager but everything I’ve felt for the last year and a half is completely and utterly real. I’m tired of being lonely, it’s not like ‘you can make new friends and everything will be fine’, everyone that I’ve ever cared about has left me and I have nothing to be happy about anymore.
I’m sorry if you’re wasting your time reading this, feel free to just stop now if I’m boring you.
All of my problems, when said out loud or on paper, sound minor and unimportant, and it sucks because I want someone to take me seriously. I’m not going to go into details because no one will actually want to know, there’s a lot that I want to say but I just can’t, not right now. I desperately want to be happy like the person I used to be, but for the last month or so this has really kicked in. I pray every single freaking night that I don’t wake up the next morning, I don’t have the motivation to do anything anymore, I just do things because I have to, to make other people happy. I’m sick of people telling me that it gets better and that I have people who care about me; otherwise, why would I be so alone now?
2 comments
@cantcarryon Hi! I’m sorry your going through this pain… and that you’re feeling so alone… I’ll take you seriously. Whenever you’ll feel like talking, I’ll be here for you. Maybe it could help if you’ld talk more about what’s hurting you, about what you feel?
Hey,
Things can change, you have to realize that … You might be amazed how much talking someone who know what they’re doing can make a difference. Please consider contacting someone, say at http://www.integralcounseling.org/ … I believe you can talk to people over the phone, possible over email, and if you don’t want to spend much money, they can certainly accomodate you. Or you can call the number on the side of the homepage — They’re there to help you, regardless of whether you’re suicidal or not.
I know it can be intimidating — But there are people who want to help you on the other end. You just have to call … You have nothing to lose!