Every day, when I wake up, panic surges though me. Hurry, I think. Don’t let yourself become totally awake. Hurry! Go back to sleep.
I used to think that a little extra sleep would help. And, I guess it used to. It doesn’t anymore. Less and less do I want to awaken.
I smile at these little things that no one knows about.
I smile in sorrow.
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There is a moment just before we wake, a micro nano second, when everything is possible.
A moment when the past or future have no hold on us.
The possibilities lost in a blink of an eye as we dress ourselves in our memories and filtered expectations.
I wonder what we might be if we refused to dress or chose new clothes. Could it be that easy?
hey Sleep that must mean something i want some of that
It’s amazing enough that every memory and expectation are properly connected at all.
At least you smile… smile bring hope and reminds you to forget about all the negative garbage that can pile up in our lives. Be yourself… be happy.
hey dawgmom. i would like to talk with you. out of all the internet you seem to be the only one alive who seems to feel truly how i do. mikepatterson695@yahoo
The Po-Po were already at my door once this past week. Sorry, but you’ll have to say it here.
Koti: Yes, I smile. I smile because when you reach the place where there is less of you that wants to live than to die, you stop struggling. You stop fighting and you accept the things – the painful things – that happen. A release of fears and an acceptance that the world (or maybe, just my world) is shallow. That people who you seek for help will either be unable or unwilling to help you – often because it becomes too difficult for them to not take your conveyance of such deep pain personally or, because they lose perspective and don’t plan for safety. So, the suffering becomes more painful and tiring. Like a lion’s prey – I’m sure you’ve seen it – after trying to outrun and out manuver for as long as it can and is finally too tired and is caught, it struggles a while and then surrenders. It gives up and allows the calm.
There is no other choice then, than to smile.
Awake here. Barely have energy to comment but have to say that I read your most recent posts and feel like I found one the few people i relate to.
You seem one step ahead of me. The loneliness still hurts for me. The faking still hurts. I hope I start to feel more at peace when my date gets closer.