Hi, I just registered here half an hour ago maybe more, I forgot!
Anyways, here is the scenario of my life –>I am confused about myself and my sexuality.
Though I know I’ve fancied guys and a few girls too. There’s always that feeling that I want to be in a relationship (in my case its more likely with a guy), that I want to love and be loved. The hard part is that I cannot express how I feel with a guy without him hating me for what I am or what I think of myself.
There’s this other thing where I bottle things up which conflicts with my entire life. A few weeks back, I felt depressed because of all the thoughts and even with friends they seem transparent to me – like they cannot understand or see the real me. I always thought maybe because I am too neutral with them that they don’t bother with me most of the time.
Right now, this chaos has been affecting with my college work and life. I cannot concentrate with my projects and I have an exam this coming week. I cant help but think of negative things like death, or just die there and rot in silence.
2 comments
Hi morto_ben,
You write you fancy both men and women, with a stronger attraction to men. When you write that it is confusing for you, could this have something to do with accepting who you are?
We all want to love and be loved; it’s one of the basic needs! Given that being gay or bi-sexual isn’t nearly as uncommon as many think, there are many people like you looking for warmth in their lives. It is estimated that one in ten people are gay, lesbian or bi-sexual. So it’s nothing out of the ordinary, if you ask me!
I can imagine it is difficult for your friends to know how you feel, as they have never been in your situation. They will have to get used to “the new you”, which is the same as “the old you”, but it takes time for them to realize that!
As for finding someone to share your life with, chances are there will be places, clubs, support groups where gay and bi-sexual people meet, near you. Depending on how open the community is, you can usually find these easily by googling.
Bottom line: It’s okay to be who you are, you’re _not_ alone.
Good luck with your exams!
Yeah, it is and I’m frustrated that I cant accept who I am. I think it has to do with society as a whole. As a result of this frustration I fail to cope with my usual tasks and start feeling bad and depressed.
My friends dont know how I feel because I dont tell them anything personal. I’m afraid they’d turn against me and ostracize me.
That thought alone would kill me inside. Knowing I’m mostly a loner, shy and only have a few friends I’m afraid that i’ll lose them too.