I didn’t use to get triggered so easily…

But now it seems like eating disorders and self harm are all over the place. I’m sure I’ve probably been making the most weird and horrified faces at just about everything.

I got handed a knife to cut open a bag and the guy sitting next to me pointed to the bag and said “Don’t cut yourself.” I almost dropped everything I was holding because I thought he was pointing at my left arm.

Later that night a friend walked in and said “Marion, you’re so tiny and skinny.” I smiled because I was super proud of myself until she said “I don’t mean to say you look anorexic skinny or anything. I know you’re smarter than that. You’re just the perfect size.” I wanted to throw up but instead I just smiled and said thanks.

At my boyfriend’s house, I saw a commercial for nutrition bars that lessen your appetite and it kept saying over and over “Don’t eat. Eat less. Don’t eat. Don’t eat.” So I convinced him to do a bunch of coke with me so I would have an excuse to do just that.

Then last night as I was lying in bed I told him “You make me so happy.” and his response was “Good, cause if I didn’t I was gonna cut myself.” I froze and said what five or six times and he corrected himself saying it was just a bad joke. I wonder if he knows.