“I don’t want the world to see me, ’cause I don’t think that they’d understand…”

“…When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.”

I don’t know what it is about me, but I can have a wonderfully fun day with really wonderful friends and still feel so empty inside. I come back, and I still feel like shit, like I’m nothing. I don’t understand why I can’t just stay happy and excited. I just fall into a pit for no reason. Like, I just feel so worthless. Part of it, I think, is that I spend all this time with these great people, but they have no idea that I struggle with so much on the inside. I’m just sick of hiding my depression. I don’t want sympathy or to be a burden, but it’s so excruciating keeping it hidden. It’s really a great deal of who I am, and it has shaped my worldview. I don’t feel understood, because they’re missing this whole part of me. It’s not fair to have to hold this all inside, but is it fair to burden other people? I know, if they’re “true” friends, then they shouldn’t feel burdened or at least, that shouldn’t stop them for being there for you. But that’s just it. People don’t want to be there for each other anymore. It’s a do it yourself kind of world, and unfortunately, I can’t do it myself. I just want to die.