I don’t know how to say this but here it goes:
“Useless, Ugly, Hated, Misunderstood, Piece of crap” are words to describe myself. I’ve never been help to anyone, all I’ve ever been was a bother. A bother to my parents, my friends, my relatives, my family and all. No wonder I get screamed at alot of times. I’m useless. No matter how hard I try, things always turn out wrong and dissapointing. I’ve never known a happy ending, other than those in the fairytales. But fairytales are not real, never will be. Some people will just say “Life’s what you make it”. But that doesn’t work for me. My life is not what I make it. My life is what other people make. I don’t have enough strangth myself to do things on my own (mentally). My best friend tried to comfort me and stuff but I’m such a bother to her. She’s so kind to help out a suicidal freak while I’m just messing up. I’m not worth it. I’m not worth to live, because I’m nothing but a bother to everyone. It’s better if i’m out of their lives forever.I want to be strong and not cry whenevr something’s not right. BUt that’s not who I am. I’m way too sensitive on everything. I’m sick of people judging me, but whenever I decide to stay strong about everything that’s happening in my life, I just seem to shed down in a stream of uncontrollable tears. I just feel like I’m a failure.
I’m not sure if you get what I’m trying to say because overall, I’m not good at anything: that includes explaining stuff. At the end of the day, I can’t deal with it anymore. it’s too much. I cry myself to sleep everynight just to wake up to another day of suffering. Any ideas on what I should do?
4 comments
I get it, your a person who people like to pick on and hurt cause your sensitive, I’m that way to. Being sensitive isn’t a bad thing but its harder on you because you feel more than most, the people who are hurting you are the people who are insensitive and make it thier goal to hurt people. And you are not alone on the crying thing I cry at the aspca commercials and if I see a homeless person that makes me cry to. All through highschool and jr high people called me fat. ugly, a burden, chubaca, I’ve been hit, spit on and many other things. My point is people are cruel and I’m not gonna promise that things will be easier cause I don’t know, I can’t tell you what to do either but how I pulled through those hard years was two things: one I found a great friend who really cared about me, for you that could be your bestfriend, and focused on making them happy by trying to be happy myself, two I found something I was good at, for me it was singing, and when I felt like breaking down I would just do that instead. I know it can be hard to look into yourself and find something you like but try. If you want to talk I’m here I hope this helped. 🙂
I can totally relate to everything you say. yeah, you’re right. Life is not a happy failytale. Not at all but think think way. You have your friend who, as you say, supports you and cares for you. Do you know what it means? It means you’re NOT all the bad things you said.
You say, you dont have the strengh do change things. I understand that you feel this way and I can not really reassure you about it, but believe me, pitying yourself wont change a thing, not even a tiny thing. You have to try to do something. Anything. You CAN do it.
Now, even though I’m telling you this, I dont think I have the power to change my own situation. Perhaps its because of the lack of motivation. Perhaps its the thought that no one cares about me so whats the point? But still, I’m sorta trying.
Look, I dont know what lind of sitation you’re in or whats in your heart. What I do know is that you want to make things better and the only way of doing this is to start acting. No one here can tell you what to do. Every situation is unique. You can’t really advide people without being in their lives….Anyways..that was too long I guess. I hope things will get better for you. Believe in yourself!
wow… I’m so sorry for your pain… and that’s what it is… deep dark pain. Reading this was akin to looking in a mirror for me. I seem to just cause utter devastation everywhere I go. I wish u happiness and hope. *hugs*
I don’t know if I’m really in the position to tell you what to do, I’m going through a lot of what you are and I’m still lost. But…
I think you did an AMAZING job of explaining how you feel.
I want you to understand that it’s so effing hard to express yourself-especially the pain and sorrow you feel. Facing that and talking about it is truly brave.
People walk around every day pretending that their lives are perfect-that they’re happy. Most of them are lying to themselves. They refuse to face the horror-but there are people that face their demons every night. They take those beatings until they cry themselves to sleep.
You take those hits every night, and you wake up every morning.
Only because you’re strong enough to keep getting up.