I’m pretty sure I am mentally ill. I can’t explain exactly how I feel other than it hurts all the time. I’m just losing my mind. My wife of 11 years left me and I don’t know how to keep going. I know that I’m supposed to want to live for my kids but I can’t help feeling that they would be better off without me. Â I have been made out to be a horrible person, and maybe I am. Â I don’t know how to deal with how I feel and she didn’t either which is why we are apart. Â I just don’t see the point in living anymore, it all seems hopeless. Â Keep going to work every day and living a life I don’t want? Why? To make everyone else feel better about themselves? I’m done. Â I’m not really looking for responses and I will probably never come back to this site. Â I dont have some sort of date planned or anything like that. Â Soon this will come to a point where I just can’t take it anymore and I will just end my misery on my terms. Â I have thought about checking in to a hospital because the rational part of my brain cries out that I’m not supposed to feel like this but that just seems like I want attention and I don’t. Â If i owned a gun this would be over by now. Â I have maybe one day a week where I don’t think about dying all the time.
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Not sure if this might help at all, but the reason that you feel depressed (and suicidal) is that you are working through stages of grief at the loss of your marriage. Two ex-wives left me and I’m still coping with the grief myself. Welcome aboard dtw569 and thanks for sharing a part of your story.
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“Marital status and suicide in the National Longitudinal Mortality Study”
Augustine J. Kposowa, Ph.D. University of California Riverside
Results. For the entire sample, higher risks of suicide were found in divorced than in married individuals. Divorced and separated persons were over twice as likely to commit suicide as married individuals. Being single or widowed had no significant effect on suicide risk. When data were stratified by sex, it was observed that the risk of suicide among divorced men was over twice that of married men. Among women, however, there were no statistically significant differentials in the risk of suicide by marital status categories.
Conclusions. Marital status, especially divorce, has strong net effect on mortality from suicide, but only among men.
I think for the sake of your children you should listen to that rational side of your brain that is telling you that you need help. Don’t wait for the floor to break underneath you. Maybe it’s time for you to seek medical help rather than a gun.
you must try to listen to that rational part of your brain.
for yourself. for your children.
why take one life to kill more?
I wish you only the best of luck. seek therapy, medication, meditation–all these will help.
just never fucking give up.